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A Halloween debriefing, and the passing of time
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It’s gone again. Put away the costumes. Eat the candy. Toss the shriveled pumpkins. Halloween is over and, in five minutes, it’s going to be Christmas. In 3½ minutes, it will be Hanukkah (December 11th). Give Thanksgiving a chance, you implore. I agree – but quickly, because there appears to be no sure way to put the brakes on time. Children turned up at my door Saturday night and my only recognition of them occurred when I saw their parents standing on the sidewalk. A double take was like a frying pan to the head. “Wait, this is Ryan? And that’s Emily?” The last time I’d seen them was yesterday, or so it seemed, when they were barely out of the womb. Now, they’re six feet tall with facial hair, and that’s just the girls.
Through parenthood, the clichés about time have all revealed themselves to be true. We sound like our mothers when we squeal, “I remember when you were this big!” The notion that ‘time flies’ is an understatement. For many of us, our children are babies no longer and though it appears they need us as much as ever, they admit to no such thing. Even if the oldest is not yet in middle school, the anticipation of a quiet empty nest is deafening. This past weekend, watching them dress themselves for trick-or-treating, exchanging candy with their friends afterwards, remembering when they were bundles dressed up as pumpkins, I wanted time to stop. I wanted time to enjoy them. I wanted time to freeze so I could look at their faces and touch their cheeks and remind myself of why I’d become a mother in the first place. Instead, I recalled the phrase, “time stops for no man (or woman)”. It barrels through your life just like your kids who, after eating dozens of Warheads, suddenly feel sick and yet want a piece of pizza. Then they scream because they’ve misplaced their candy bag. They lose their ability to share when you reach for a dark chocolate Reese’s and slap your hand away because it’s the only one they have! And still they want you to show them the Excel program on your laptop so they can do a spreadsheet on their candy items. They yell at the poor dog when she eats their Laffy Taffy even though they were warned to keep the goods away from the canine. They won’t go to bed because they’re hyped up on sugar but aren’t they sweet getting chocolate handprints on the couch? Why won’t they go to sleep so you can enjoy some TIME to yourself?!
The most difficult part of Halloween for many parents is the week after, when we’re asked dozens, nee hundreds, of times if our children can have a piece of candy – for breakfast, for snack, for lunch/dinner/homework. We hear the crinkle of a wrapper in our child’s bedroom at 3 in the morning and wonder when it all goes away. It all goes away in an instant. Enjoy them while they’re young because, no kidding, the empty nest is ten minutes away.
Seen this morning while running in the park: a squirrel hurriedly making its way up a tree with a fully wrapped Tootsie Pop in its mouth.
Some events this week that Los Angeles mothers might like to take advantage of to remind themselves that they were once single and carefree and had more time on their hands:
Tonight: Get some laughs at Largo with “Agorafabulous”, Sara Benincasa’s one woman show at 9pm.
Tuesday, November 3rd: PenCenter USA presents a conversation with Gore Vidal at The Actor’s Gang in Culver City, 8pm. Also, “Louis & Keely Live at the Sahara” is closing this week at The Geffen. “Parade” continues at The Taper, 8pm.
Wednesday, November 4th: Are you a fan of “Mad Men”? A conversation with creator Matthew Weiner is sold out at L.A. Live, but Writers Bloc will put your name on the waiting list, 7:30pm.
Thursday, November 5th: “Mom’s the Word” at the El Portal Theatre in NoHo, 8pm. Gustavo Dudamel works his magic at the Disney Concert Hall, limited tickets available, 8pm. The Los Angeles Comedy Festival continues in Hollywood with funny film shorts at 7:30pm.
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