Jealousy - When is it healthy or bad for your relationship?

November 6, 11:10 PMColorado Springs Sex and Relationships ExaminerJami Wright

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Jealousy can spark passion, ignite desire, and make for a fun evening.  But there is a time and place for jealousy and there is such a thing as too much jealousy.  A little bit makes your partner feel wanted and desired.  Too much makes them feel trapped and unhappy.  Finding the right mix is a challenge most people face.  Knowing when your partner is trying to push your buttons and avoiding that impending fight is experience.

What does she think when you show a little jealousy?  She thinks that you are into her.  She knows she has gotten under your skin and that you desire her.  Women usually fall much faster than men.  When he shows jealousy it becomes a point of comfort for her.  She realizes that he likes her and she can start to show the emotions she has been hiding.  The problem is when you get jealous about everything.  That is when she starts to wonder if this relationship is a right fit for her.

Another concern women have over men is that, generally, they are the weaker of the two.  It is basic biology.  Even women who pride themselves on becoming stronger still show more weakness.  Its the way the body is made.  Women were meant to be softer.  It also has to do with the way women think.  A lady sees a deer and she sees bambi, men see dinner.  They are softer emotionally.  The one place they are usually stronger is mentally.  If she feels threatened, most women will leave to protect themself.  Obsessive jealousy can sometimes lead to abuse because the man finds a need to control her.

What does he think when you show a little jealousy?  He knows you are into him.  He feels he has the upper hand.  If there is a chance for a relationship, this is a good time for him to let his guard down and start falling for you.  Again, the problem is when you show too much jealousy.  That is when he will look for an escape from the problem and eventually from you if the jealousy doesn't stop. 

If you show too much jealousy your man may start to think you have low self esteem.  He cares for her.  He does everything he can to show her that he cares for her.  Why does she doubt him?  He will search inward to find a reason and when he has satisfied himself that it is not him he will look at you.  Men like their women to be confident and independent.  He doesn't want you to think less of yourself in any situation.  Afterall he chose you, that makes you worthy.  Often these relationships deteriorate over time because he feels like he cannot be himself.

What are your thoughts?  In the comment section below list whether your point of view is male or female and what you think when your partner gets jealous.  Share your experiences so others may learn from you. 

If you have a question you need advice on and would like to see this featured on 'Honest Talk' feel free to email me the particulars.  Be sure to subscribe to this column (click on subscribe link and enter your email) or join me on FaceBook so you will get a notification when your answer is published.

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