Why do we go on dates

July 17, 1:35 PMPick Up ExaminerTiffany Yvonne Cox

Previous Next

Comment Print Email RSS Subscribe

Subscribe

Get alerts when there is a new article from the Pick Up Examiner. Read Examiner.com's terms of use.

Email Address   Include other special offers from Examiner.com Terms of Use

Two of my male friends brought up excellent points about this experiment I have been conducting. Here is a quote from my boy "O":

"I see it (dating) as part of the racket called "the materials economy" but that I like to call "the bar-fashion-hookup industrial complex". Like the military-industrial complex and the prison-industrial complex, it has wormed its way into what is otherwise a very natural process (channeling our attraction for/repulsion from each other, meeting needs for physical excitement and enjoyment, finding short- and long-term partnership, and even-- dare i believe it-- big love) and turned it into an overly staged and insecurity-inducing mechanism that's almost engineered to make money for various allied industries-- including media, alcohol, tobacco, drugs (legal and otherwise), real estate, music, and fashion-- while keeping you, your friends, and the guys who would otherwise date you isolated from each other via a concocted, maze-like complex of "dos-and-don'ts." The cruel irony is that it's not engineered for your and my desire, and especially not for black positionality; it's geared toward creating a place for concentrated moneymaking a distraction from really tough political choices. And, for my money, it leaves out the spontaneous-- the very stuff of love-- and the kind of stuff that we need for healing."

In layman's terms this means dating is something created by society that instead of helping us, hinder us, and gives money to "The Man".

I do agree with parts of this, but at the same time I feel as if it is also an easy way to get out of the whole dating scheme. I agree that the whole, guy has to pay for dinner and movies shpeal has been created by the dating gods and at times can help the economy more than the couple at hand. Also, the nightlife scene gives everyone anxiety since they are facing a possible sea of rejection. But if we don't get together how do we get to know a guy? How do we know how much he is willing to give of himself to a lady? Actions speak louder than words and the dating scene has pushed men to do more than just talk about what they are about.

Women enjoy attention and spontaneity. If men actually took the time to plan something different for a date with ladies they would save money and see the woman's true colors.

For example, today, my dread locked friend, Stones, invited me to hang out with him in Philly. Here's the dialogue:

Stones: You wanna hang out?
Me: Sure, what are we going to do?
Stones: What do you want to do?
Me: I do not know Philly so you pick something. (I was also thinking in my head, "dummy you are the one that invited me to come hang out with you.")
Stones: Ummmm we can chill and watch a movie.

I enjoy movies but the hell I am going to some man's house just to "chill". The translation of that statement is "let me get in your pants". I do not take offense to it, because he is a man and had his first taste of my chocolaty goodness and wants to see how much farther he can actually get.

Me: Movies aren't really my thing. Can you think of something else because I do not know Philly.
Stones: Let me think about it and Ill call you back.
(One Hour Later)
Stones: Maybe we can go get something to eat.
Me: Its such a beautiful day out today maybe we can do something outside. ( I said this to hopefully get his brain juices working )
Stones: OK

By the time I reached Philly, 40minutes later, he still had no idea what we should do. I refused to open my mouth, because I gave him a unique experience as written in my last piece. He then said “We can run up the steps of The Art Museum a la Rocky.” Yes! He finally got it. I didn't need him to spend money on me, I needed him to spend a rich experience with me.

We hopped in his car and headed towards downtown. We passed by Fairmount Park which looked ridiculously gorgeous and vast so I switched it up and said, “Lets grab a blanket and some ice cream and chill here.” Once again, I planned the date, but at least he took a step forward in the whole original dating thing.

We went to the park, talked, ate ice cream, sunbathed, and took a walk along a gravel path.

Gentleman, this is what ladies want! Something sweet, unique, simple and fun. You do not have to shell out a thousand dollars or create an extravagant night. We want you to plan the evening and make it special for the two of us.

So I do believe in dating and I believe that the idea that it has been warped to benefit "The Man" is true. But I also believe that men have warped it to this state because they refuse to step out of the box and go the extra mile to plan an original date. As for going out to find a lady and the anxiety it instills on all parties, well, this happens regardless of whether you are at a bookstore, Laundromat, or bar. It just happens that nightspots have a large concentration of anxious people because it is a collection of random people out on the town for a good time and unexpected adventures.