Secrets of a breastfeeding mother

August 3, 12:14 PMLA Parenting ExaminerRebecca Lacko

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The honest truth... and free Lansinoh coupons!

The night before Anna Caldwell was released from the hospital, the realization of her new role as mommy threatened to overwhelm her. In the weeks leading up to delivery, she’d grown increasingly more confident, preparing the nursery, making plans to breast-feed and perusing current parenting literature.

However, that night, “I had my emotional ‘moment’ when anxiety hit and I couldn’t control it. I didn’t want to take anything because I was attempting to breastfeed,” Anna recalls. “But when he saw how upset I was, my husband ended up staying the night and it was the best moment ever and I will never forget it.” 

The countless articles, books and websites I pored over during my own pregnancy sung the many glories of breastmilk over formula. I wasn’t difficult to convince; while other little girls dreamt of their wedding, I wanted very much to be a mother, and I had several (idealized) notions just how it should go. Breast-feeding was certainly one of them. The truth about breast-feeding: it hurts. For a while, a few weeks, a few months, give or take, but it does get better with practice and experience. And, it really is worth it. (See Why should I breastfeed?)

When I asked a dozen new mothers, “what did you need help with most in the first few days of mommyhood?" every last one reported that breast-feeding posed the biggest hurdle. Julianna Carver explains, “I was determined to breast-feed Madeline before she was even born, but I had no idea how difficult and hard it would be for us. The nurses in the hospital were not much help and because she was born on a Saturday, the lactation nurse was unavailable. I tried and tried but felt like such a failure.” While she was fortunate enough to have help with her recovery, Julianna continued to struggle with nursing. “I had my mom there to cook, clean and help me with anything I needed. My husband took two weeks off to help and bond with Madeline, but, the one thing they couldn’t help me with was nursing. We had a doula at our birth and she came over to help. She introduced me to Lansinoh HPA lanolin and a nipple shield. I also went to the Mother and Baby Wellness Center associated with my hospital and the La Leche League and got one-on-one assistance. After many days without success, the nurse at the Wellness Center finally discovered that Madeline had an underdeveloped sucking mechanism. She taught me how to help Madeline develop a proper sucking method.”

Nguyen empathizes, adding, ”I never expected that breastfeeding would be so difficult. I figured: put the breast out and let her suck away. There were times when I thought I wasn’t producing enough milk or that Isabella wasn’t getting enough because she’d constantly fall asleep while nursing. Also, being on call to nurse every two to three hours was grueling. I never left Isabella’s side for the first two months.”

As a new mommy looking forward to the (eventually!) very rewarding bonding experience and many health benefits of breast-feeding, begin planning now. Make arrangements to enjoy full advantage of lactation professionals at your hospital, enlist the help of a doula, or visit a local support organization. Also, put aside any embarrassment and simply ask a mother who’s done it before. It’s likely she’ll be all too willing to share advice from the trenches. Gerardo discovered a natural camaraderie among women taking a break to nurse in the spacious restrooms of better department stores, a surprisingly excellent place to meet up with other new moms nursing and changing newborns in the ladies’ rest area.

The best advice for a new mother? Accept the unknown. “Because I had a C-section, no one knew the extent of my recovery,” shares Nguyen. “Between Rob, my mom and sister, there was someone with me around the clock for the first week. After that, my mom went back to work but spent the night so that I would have help with night feedings and such. I think I just appreciated the fact that my husband never questioned when I’d get back to normal. He just let me recover in my own time and allowed me to relax. Of course, having my mom and sister around to help him wasn’t so bad. Had we been alone, things might have been a bit more chaotic.”

Julianna agrees. Her husband was her number one ally; “Ethan was so supportive. Madeline had colic so we would take turns rocking her, patting her bottom and walking around the house. He was a big help in that aspect.”

With the same care and attention you put into your baby registry, begin rallying the troops to help with your recovery. Keep in mind that, historically, women around the world have always had the immediate, unwavering support of family, in-laws, neighbors and members of the family’s religious community on hand after delivery. Never before have women been expected to recover so quickly with so little help. If family or friends are unavailable, seek the help of a post-partum doula, who will gladly contribute breast-feeding support and provide babycare instruction.

The bottomline: Don’t be afraid to reach out. And, if help is offered, please accept it.