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How to say I'm sorry
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Make your apology count!
We’ve all been in a position where we’ve had to apologize to our partner, whether for something as big as infidelity or as small as throwing in a pink shirt into the whites on laundry day. It’s fairly easy to say this simple phrase, but it’s the delivery and sincerity behind it that make it count. With your heart in the right place and some mindful consideration, making a meaningful “I’m sorry” is as simple as one-two-three:
1.) Be Selfless
An apology has to be selfless, and not self-serving. Guilt and self-loathing should never be the driving force behind an apology. Expressing your regret should be solely for your partner’s sake, and should focus on his or her feelings. Communicate that you understand how your actions have caused pain, anger or suffering. Admit to your wrongdoing and apologize not just to get out of the doghouse - but instead to help your partner heal and move towards forgiveness. Don’t be sorry you got caught, be sorry you hurt your partner.
2.) Stay Sincere
Sincerity is a key point in delivering an apology. We as humans can detect a half-witted apology a mile away, and your partner is no different. If you’re sorry – show it! Make eye contact, speak directly to the issue, and commit to changing the improper behavior and preventing it from happening again. Is it over after that? No! Once you apologize, it is important to follow through on that commitment. Sincerity lies not only in the verbalization of a quick “I’m sorry;” a genuine apology extends through time. Repeating the same act or not following up on the commitment to resolve the issue together is an immediate nullification of your apology – and therefore, turns any semblance of sincerity to mush. Step up to the plate and show your remorse, and commit to making a difference.
3.) No buts
A “sorry” followed by a “but,” is no apology at all. It is a message communicated with a hidden agenda and selfish motive. It is a statement that is loaded with ammunition and self-defense. Does a “but” imply selflessness? No. Does a “but” show sincerity in your remorse? No. Does a “but” communicate your commitment to correcting the situation? No. A “but” is a loaded gun, and has no place within an apology. It keeps the argument alive and is detrimental to finding closure and peace within a relationship. If you have true remorse for your actions, take a step back and consider what is more important – winning a battle or coming to a peaceful conclusion? If you feel you have issues to resolve after the apology, bring them up objectively when discussing how to prevent the situation from happening in the future. Keep the “I’m sorry” free of any self-defense and own your actions. Let your partner know that your remorse is straight from the heart.. and not the “but!”
"A stiff apology is a second insult... The injured party does not want to be compensated because he has been wronged; he wants to be healed because he has been hurt.” ~ G. K. Chesterton
This article is protected by the Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License.
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