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Relationships are a dance
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Ballroom dance couples on Dancing With The Stars compete using professional partners, choreographed and memorized routines, and some training from an expert. Their performance, although scrutinized by millions of international viewers, is presented in grand style with an open floor, the song of their choice, and tailored costumes and lighting for their special number. Wouldn't it be wonderful if, the next time you felt like grabbing a partner and dancing, everything fell into place this way? Minus the competitive pressure, of course.
In ballroom dancing, as in relationships, there are a few standard rules. According to some pro dancers and choreographers I've partnered (and was married to one of them - but that's another story), the first rule is to make your partner look good. If your focus is on your partner's comfort and security, and your partner is doing the same for you, syncronicity can begin. Over time, dancing with the same partner is like living with the same person, in that you learn to anticipate signals and forgive little differences with each other. With rule number one, a partner in dance or in life must feel they are being protected and cared for. Unless you plan to attempt lifts with padding and helmets, building trust is a must. Even on the little steps and occasional spins, trust issues will spoil the joy in being together.
The partner who is "leading" may not realize that footwork is not the source of direction given to their partner. In dance, communication is given through hands and shifts in weight, or energy, forcing the reaction from the "following" individual. For example, If the hand at the small of my back pulls me in, I go toward my partner. If the fingers of that hand push me the way he wants to turn me, and he lifts his arm for me to go under, I'll get the hint. He leads me with his intent, and the feel of our connection has nothing to do with our feet. In relationships, if we think "the feet will follow", and spend more energy on mind, heart and spirit, the dance becomes better for both involved.
The Council for Relationships calls the dance analogy a form of bonding which must involve trust and security, just like a child and a parent. The difference in romantic relationships is that the leader may change at times, shifting responsibility. In dance, once a couple is confident in each others' signals and feels a sense of knowledge about what is about to happen, dancing becomes more enjoyable and is about music and fun, rather than tripping and dodging toes. If there's honesty between bumbling partners, there will be laughter and growth, along with the sore feet.
As individuals, I believe we are born to dance. Toddlers move when they hear music. This natural instinct and joyous expression is so often squelched when it starts to gain attention from others. When a child becomes aware of being watched, and certainly when teen years approach and insecurities or body images change, many people lose their innate ability to enjoy movement to music. Add to that the notion that a series of choreographed steps in perfect unison with a near stranger in a social situation is expected, and suddenly everyone is a wallflower. Competition should be saved for reality TV shows, but some people feel pressure in social gatherings, or place undue pressure upon themselves, for perfection.
Formal dance is wonderful, but if you have a winning partner in life who is willing to improvise with you and just sway to some great music once in awhile, that's something beautiful, too. Like a relationship that ebbs and flows, sometimes you'll have to work harder than others. But, detailed steps and concentration on choreography can overshadow the music, the moment, or your mate. Don't let the rules and guidelines become a ball and chain, if you and your perfect partner have your own ideas. As long as you mutually agree upon the terms of your relationship, or your cha-cha-cha, you're ready to hit the dance floor.
A single thought: closed position, open mind
For more info: Read "Singles...So You Think You Can Dance?" and other Single Life articles on J.C. Russell's home page.
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