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Long-distance relationships: challenges, benefits, and self-awareness
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Returning from service in Iraq, soldier Matt reunites with girlfriend Becca.
Modern dating includes less boundaries, less intimate communication, and less travel time than the days of horse-and-carriage courtships, or even sock hops. Now, couples can meet via the Internet, chat through IM or text, email photos and download "their song". In between satellite feeds, love blooms. Loving someone in "real time" requires some hands-on capabilities as well, but there are many singles who begin, maintain, or end their relationships across the miles, due to careers and other issues keeping them apart. Some singles thrive on independent divides with exciting honeymoon reunions, while others endure a difficult division and wish the map would shrink.
The Marine Corps birthday and Veteran's Day highlight the issue of long-distance relationships. We often think of service men and women being reunited in joyful homecomings, while some families, unfortunately, endure mournful losses. Those long-term and high stress courtships are a breed of their own. The concept of long-distance relationships, however, can be applied to many situations civilian couples encounter. More than military matches involve duffle bags and travel points as routine procedure, and indeed many relationships grow from cross-country or international introductions. Dating web sites count on it.
Mileage can either strengthen one's trust and faith in the relationship, or introduce cracks in the plan. Ultimately, people in two different places must answer to themselves for their conduct, and should use the time apart to analyze their life's ambitions and the best way to share it with a partner, or seek it alone. Some couples who live under the same roof are farther apart than those dating across the globe. Each long-distance relationship is only as strong as the participants, and their concept of love. If one partner's ambitions or dreams are squelched by geography, or by the dominance of the other one's pursuits, conflict and regrets are forecast.
Time is a very precious but uncontrollable influence. It reveals things, heals things, tests and tempers things. But, we never know what will come at us from left field, so to speak, just when we feel comfortable with our choice in a partner, or a place. Will a job that carries you away from your love's zip code also change your perspective? Does a month away, or an entire rock band tour away, make a difference in your tolerance of the situation? Are trust, faith, commitment, or desire tested when your lover takes flight? If either of you stray during separations, maybe you were putting the cart (or carriage) before the horse, in the first place. Pull the reins and change direction, before heading toward marriage.
Marrieds and singles have many hurdles to overcome in modern love matches. If distance is a deal-breaker for you, search your willingness to relocate for your mate's lifestyle. You cannot change what he/she does for a living, but you can be self-aware and ready to express your decision, when the courtship goes to the "your castle or mine?" phase. No matter your position on any road block or deal-breaker, be assured that most folks cancel their former beliefs when true love comes along, and knocks them into a new world of "forget what I said before - I'm in looove!!" So, make your rational decisions in advance, and assess your own culpability when they are later thrown out the window.
There are many occupations which require travel. Are you okay with a traveling partner, or are you the one who travels, and feels conflicted about the effects upon your love life? If you're the one at home, have you been quietly accepting the distance, but longing beneath the surface because it isn't meeting your needs? How about trust issues? Do you fear your sailor has a girl in every port, or your political ambassador is going to be the next sex scandal headline, or your doctor without borders is a lover without them, too? If so, congratulations on having a sailor, a politican, and a doctor in your life at the same time (smile).
New partners are always available to both of you in your respective locales, so perhaps some distance will reveal how far down commitment road you should travel together. Distance can keep things exciting in the early stages of a new love, but will also make an easy out, for those who want to break up. Time apart in a more serious relationship can clarify each partner's contributions. Some couples, even marrieds, prefer to live apart and conduct what is called an LAT lifestyle - living apart together. (No, I didn't make that up - look for upcoming full story.)
Long-distance relationships can be challenging, frustrating, and let's face it - expensive. But, of all the things that a fabulous, fun romance or a deep, meaningul love connection have to offer, do they have to be convenient, too? You can't find love on a map, but when it finds you, are you packed or planted?
A single thought: Uncharted territory can reveal hidden treasures
For more info: See Single Life articles on J.C. Russell's home page.
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