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Singles as self-motivators: tackling yucky stuff, recognizing growth
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Expressing oneself helps define likes and dislikes. Photo/Minh
Going to the gym - ugh. Paying the bills - (expletive). Planning a vacaton for one - sigh. Eating by yourself - blech. Living alone can be wonderful, or wonderfully challenging. The freedom of being single is a double-edged sword in that we don't have a mate to encourage our endeavors, comfort our losses, and inspire our choices. TV channel surfing and furniture placement aside, singles have more serious life choices to make, and cannot depend upon the chance of a perfect mate immediately knocking on their door...2....3....4... See? Crickets.
Do you procrastinate on major career and financial plans, for example, because you're hoping a partner will factor into it? Have you postponed personal goals, thinking a supportive mate will help you someday? Is the dream house in the perfect city with a fabulous life based upon what may be, one day, when you aren't flying solo?
Self-motivation employs a strategy, including a starting point, encouragement, and an "atta boy" or high five at the end of the task, no matter the outcome. (The glory is in the attempt, when you're a major league procrastinator.) Like a tree falling in a forest, is there a sound when nobody hears it? How about a fully decorated bedroom that nobody is seeing - - is this appreciated by you, nonetheless? What about that job promotion, with nobody waiting at home to hear the news? Without the emotional release and gratification shared with a mate, some parts of singledom require faith and great determination in order to stay motivated. Define what motivates you; then, decide if you should keep it to yourself.
Some singles communicate their goals to supporters (family, friends, organizations, the potted plant in the corner), while others can stay on task alone. Once a goal is achieved, or any happy circumstance occurs along the way, it's good to find a way to celebrate it.
So, if you're a single somebody who wants to live differently, but hasn't taken initiative, identify the sticking point. It's probably fear, on some level, or avoidance. Who is going to chart your next adventure, or conversely, arrive on a trusty steed to save you from a current problem? Do you need to pull up your socks and get in the game? First, you'll have to find your socks... which means getting organized. Oh, great - another motivational need.
Best intentions to get a task done will not make it happen, and if you've identified that you do not self-motivate well, you can get inspired (books, prayer, meditation, mentors) get "wired" ( iPod, Internet, exercise, caffeine?) or stay tired. But, life will move on, while you're avoiding the yucky stuff and lingering in okayness instead of reaching your full potential.
Making a plan for yourself, assessing your abilities, supporting your efforts with outside help as needed, recognizing your growth, and rewarding yourself for achievement can start with a very small task, as a momentum-builder. Like, starting your "to do" list with something you did an hour before, and checking it off. See? You're on a roll. Want to lose 20 pounds...go back to school....move to a new city.... replace that plant in the corner that you're always talking to? What is one thing that you're going to tackle while you are single, without waiting for a new love to make everything seem more meaningful, or at least easier to lift?
A single thought: just do it.
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