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Angry teens: Are they out of line?
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Have you ever wondered what really PO’s your teen? It’s kind of hard to find out because so often they simply shut down around us and don’t really tell us anything, or on the other side of the spectrum, a flood of a story comes pouring out among tears and sobs, and we sometimes find ourselves lost in a mix-mash of emotions.
Well, I took a survey of 100 teens, and I was perhaps just a little surprised to find that our teens get PO’d at exactly the same thing we do! Here’s a list of the top 10 items.
1. People that lie and are two faced
2. Being labeled
3. When people don’t listen
4. People that are fake
5. Parents that pry into my life
6. Nagging
7. People pushing my buttons causing a fight
8. Teachers that pick on you
9. People who are judgmental
10. Parents/people that ignore me because the think I’m too young.
Now this was not any high tech scientific survey, I merely asked 100 teens between the age of 13 and 18 for their answers to the question, “What pisses you off?” and after compiling the answers these were the top ten (out of 36). Except for number 8 and 10, I’d say these things tick me off too (for number 10 people ignore me now because I’m too old! And for number 8 I might substitute the word boss for teacher).
Based on how we as parents feel sometimes I was a little surprised by these findings. Hey our teenagers are real people after all! I was halfway expecting a list of things totally off the wall! But NO, wait a minute - They (our children) are not some sort of alien with problems that we just don’t understand! The plea of, “OMG, the world is just not what it used be!” just doesn’t seem to hold any water with this survey.
In terms of Teen anger, the danger spot we as parents need to be aware of, and on the lookout for anger turned inward. Anger turned inward reflects itself many times as depression, but it can also be seen as acting out and many other types of dangerous behavior (ie eating disorders and self harm).
So what do we do when our teens seem out of sorts or angry and just wont talk? Start off by looking at them and in all sincerity say, “hey I know exactly how you feel and I'm here for you”, because the chances are you do, and if that’s the end of the conversation for now - so be it. Our children need to know that they are NOT seen as aliens and that their mom and / or dad might really know something after all and really do have the capacity to understand.
Many of our teens simply do not have the coping mechanisms to deal with their anger. The coping mechanisms that some teens develop can be dangerous if not in fact harmful (ie eating disorders, addictions, promiscuity). It’s our jobs as parents to know our children, be open and communicate with them, and know that when we “loose it” on them (and let’s be honest, we can become the most angriest with our owned children) – we are teaching them one way to process anger, and it’s not the best way.
Try to remember, your teen's anger (just like yours) is a secondary emotion. Get in touch with the primary emotion and you'll have the anger beat.
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