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A look back at AGT: 20 acts undeserving of performing live (10-6)
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10) Dallas Desperados Dancers (Season 3)
The Texas Tenors proved that a lack of talent could be compensated for with a Texas label. The Dallas Desperados Dancers, however, suffice as proof that even the Texas label has its limitations.
After completely shafting the art of dance in Season 2, the judges decided to provide dance groups in abundance for Season 3. They must have given full control of the dance groups to David Hasselhoff, however, as most of the dance groups in Season 3's Top 40 were all-female, and rather than give their attention predominantly to traditional dance troupes, they instead found room for two separate teams of cheerleaders.
There is, understandably, an art to cheerleading, but this is the form of dance typically employed solely at sporting events for no purpose except to keep spectators from leaving to go to the bathroom all at once, and the great majority of all people who do enjoy watching cheerleaders do so for the sex appeal as opposed to an appreciation of the art. Just because there is an art to it does not mean people will pay money to see it.
This may sound like a generalization, but that was how it played out for the Desperados Dancers on AGT. If they truly believed they had a chance at the million, I pity them.
Would someone please tell me what is so “out of the box” about that?
9) Eleisha Miller (Season 4)
For Season 4, the judges had plenty of acts they could have chosen from as representatives of the young talent bracket. They included a lot there were not very good and cut what few were impressive even by adult standards. But the worst of all was undoubtedly Eleisha "with an E" Miller, who many viewers guessed correctly was a relic of Texas’s infamous child pageants (she must be: her website insists she’s been performing since the age of 1). Miller had an overabundance of self-confidence, but lacked in two crucial areas: talent and maturity. Miller didn’t sing so much as shout, and she responded to criticism by crying, stamping her feet or badmouthing the judges when she thought the cameras weren’t rolling.
So the judges did what everyone should do with a spoiled little brat: encourage her by putting her live on a stage in the Top 40. Viewers were wary of criticizing Miller at first on account of her age, but once she pranced around atop the piano yelling into her microphone, there were very few who would not have been tempted to slap her were they present in real life.
The bar has always been set significantly lower for children; even the dullest of the dull child acts managed to qualify for the judges vote. But not Miller. To recognize just how horrible she was on AGT, you need only look at the act she could not surpass in total votes, who is, conveniently, also the next contestant on this list of atrocities.
8) Tony Hoard & Rory (Season 4)
This is one of the acts the judges will never be able to live down, and not just because it was a first-round bomb like most of the acts on this list. On the contrary, the problem was Tony Hoard & Rory were a disaster on stage, but America voted for them anyway.
The greatest idiocy on the part of the judges, however, may have been including Tony Hoard & Rory in the first place. During the Vegas verdict, the judges were recorded deliberating whether or not there was room for more than one magician in the Top 40 in spite of several magicians having impressed at the open calls. They did, however, find room for more than one dog act, even though the judges had only passed two at the open calls: Tony Hoard & Rory, and a much better act, Pam Maritn’s Top Dogs. While Martin had multiple dogs and some structure to her act, Hoard could only do one thing: throw a frisbee to his dog.
While Martin was an actual dog trainer, Hoard only tricked his dig into doing what it did naturally while trying to make it resemble an act. While Martin’s dogs waited for their cues, Rory would bark at Hoard or attempt to snatch a frisbee from him if he took too long setting it up, and at one point even tried to chase a frisbee off the stage after it had been overthrown. Tony Hoard & Rory were, in all fairness, not really even an act at all. When they were on their way to Vegas trying to decide who they had to cut prematurely, Tony Hoard & Rory should have been among the first to go.
The outrage over their decision, not only to include him in the Top 40, but to vote for him over Charles DeWayne Dorsey in the second round of quarter finals, was so bad that it may have even sabotaged Pam Martin’s chances in the fourth round. When even acts of a similar nature suffer along with them, that’s when you know an act is bad.
7) Indiggo (Season 3)
“We are gonna' become stars here, because we deserve it!”
“We are unique! We are the real deal!"
"We are invincible!”
Eleisha Miller was painful to watch because she was loud, obnoxious and untalented, but you were not allowed to say so openly because she was so young. The Indiggo twins, on the other hand, were grown up should have known better.
Indiggo did what many wannabe starlets do: they made the assumption that sexy poses and revealing outfits were all it took to make a star and payed no mind to the fact that they had horrible voices and repulsive personalities. They had absolutely nothing going for them, but just as Donald Trump was all too happy to let Heidi Montag, another zero-talent with delusions of stardom, sing at the Miss Universe pageant, the judges had no second thoughts about letting Indiggo have a spot in the Top 40.
The only time Indiggo was ever amusing was when they were brought before the cameras side by side with Nuttin’ But Stringz, then the early favorite to win it all, and were informed by then host Jerry Springer that one of them was safe and one of them was going home. At least this should have been amusing, except that the only two people on the planet who thought Indiggo might have stood a chance against the mighty NBS were the Indiggo twins themselves. Even in defeat they were impervious to reason.
6) Coney Island Chris Allison (Season 4)
There was absolutely no excuse for this inclusion. Not only did the viewers make it perfectly clear on NBC’s message boards that they despised Allison as soon as they first saw him during an open call montage, America had also made it perfectly clear over the seasons that a sideshow act would never receive their vote. During Season 1, Dave Smith performed during the fourth round and placed in the bottom three, failing to outrank even a burlesque dancer in total votes. Then during Season 3, George “The Giant” MacArthur failed to impress America and was eliminated, leaving room for the ZOOperstars (who had been a train wreck the night before) to qualify for the judges’ pick.
And in fairness, Smith and MacArthur were both more professional and more entertaining than Allison. During his open call performance, Allison bit into a capsule while eating a light bulb that gave the appearance that he was spitting blood. What were the judges thinking putting through a performer that could fatally injure himself without you even knowing it?
The judges knew exactly what Allison would amount to when they included him in the Top 40. There was absolutely no excuse for this.
The worst part is that, in spite of Allison being notoriously horrible as an act and completely inexcusable as a Top 40 pick, he is still only #6 on this list. That’s horrific.
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