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Ending a toxic relationship
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Part 2 in an two-part series.
Ending a relationship is never easy, but when the time has come or you feel as though you just can’t handle having that person in your life, there are a few ways to handle it delicately.
To begin with, if you are ready to say goodbye to a toxic person be they friend, lover, acquaintance or family, it is best to do it on neutral ground. Breaking up in any place that is dominantly your or dominantly the other person’s is never a good idea. If you end a relationship in your space the other person could feel attacked or tricked and there is the possibility of having the person act irrationally and you could end up with a lot of your possessions broken. If you do it in his/her space, you could feel vulnerable decreasing the likelihood of a successful breakup.
Try to end any relationship as amicably as possible. Explain your reason for ending the relationship without placing blame. Be fair, polite and unconfrontational. Be honest, explain that the relationship is not conducive to your well-being, you are headed in a new direction in your life and are not able to maintain such a relationship, or that you just want to expand your circle of friends and that the person with whom you are breaking up just doesn’t fit into your plans anymore. It may sound harsh, but you are not responsible for anyone else’s feelings but your own, however, starting a fight is not the best way to end a relationship, ever.
If the relationship is an intimate or romantic relationship, the “It’s not you, it’s me” speech is not desirable here. Though you may think you’re sparing the person’s feelings, what you are doing is copping out. Everyone knows that the truth is it’s the other person. If you and your partner have tried to no avail to work things out, it is most likely best for both parties to end it anyway. A relationship that is not functional only leads to more frequent illness, stress, anxiety and anger. Neither of you want or deserve that. If you can be friends, then try that, but if you feel that isn’t an option, then do your best to be civil when parting ways.
Ending a relationship with a close family member may be the hardest thing to do. If it’s a parent-child relationship then you’ve probably run out of options for how to maintain a healthy relationship. It’s not easy ending a parent-child relationship. Everyone has heard stories about parents disowning their children, or children moving as far as possible to get away from parents but both these situations can create underlying stress and feelings of abandonment. When necessary to end this type of relationship it is best to exhaust all other means of finding ways to repair the relationship first. Estrangement from a parent or child is hard for all parties involved. Communication plays a large roll in parent-child relationship termination.
Ending a relationship with a sibling may or may not be easier than the parent-child relationship. Everyone has heard of siblings sparring over inheritance, and never speaking again, but this is not a valid reason for ending a relationship. However if the relationship is one that is volatile and cannot be repaired then the best thing to do is communicate this with the sibling and explain, without blaming, yelling and arguing, that it is best for the two of you to have as little contact as possible.
The hardest thing to do is end a relationship with a person you’ve known your entire life, but when it comes down to it, your own personal well-being should come before all else. Identifying and eliminating any toxic people from your life will improve your health,both mentally and physically. You have to take care of you before you can take care of anyone else.
For information about what is considered an unhealthy relationship click here.
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