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When ideas and people clash
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What do you do when the couple’s thoughts and ideas clash with those of friends and families? This has been a challenge since couples began planning and paying for their own weddings.
Everyone has their own taste and style, and it doesn’t always match those of the people around them.
Last year I had a couple who wanted a simple, relaxed, uncomplicated wedding – BUT the mom (who had been waiting on this special day for years) wanted something completely different. No one was at each other’s throats, thank goodness, but there were still areas where there were some disagreements about how to plan the wedding.
As a Bridal Consultant, my job first of all is to accommodate the bride and groom – after all, they are my clients. Secondly, I have to try to accommodate the moms and the special touches that they would like to add to the wedding. In situations like this, I very clearly, but firmly explain that the bride and groom are my clients and their wishes come first. All others are secondary.
Believe it or not – this has worked for me for over 20 years! When there is a difference in opinion about what to do, I try to negotiate a compromise, but in the end – I go with the preferences of the bride and groom.
My theory is that the moms (sisters, bridesmaids, aunts and others) have had or will have the opportunity to plan their own wedding – right now is my bride’s turn and we’re going to do as much for her as we can and keep the interference to a minimum.
I also always instruct my vendors to take direction from the bride and groom first – but preferably directly from me. That way, no one else has the opportunity to interfere and disrupt our well-made plans.
This happened at a wedding a few months ago when the Maid of Honor turned into a monster at the wedding, telling everyone what to do (including me) and eventually disrupting the entire flow of the reception. The catering staff was overwhelmed with her demands, I spent all my time putting out fires that she created and the bride and groom were unhappy because things weren’t going as they had planned. Those cases are rare and often extremely difficult to control as you don’t want to have to do an intervention in the middle of someone’s wedding reception or tell the bride that her best friend is a candidate for the psyche ward.
So, if you’re in the middle of planning your wedding and have a few overbearing people in your life, trying to force their thoughts and ideas on you… either have your wedding consultant explain to them that this is your wedding, or politely handle it yourself. It might not be the most comfortable situation for a few minutes, but it will save hours of misery and possibly hurt feelings for a lifetime. Believe me, you’ll be very glad you did!
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