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Fat boxing for cake eaters
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Have you ever found yourself at one of those birthday parties where the family & friends of the older celebrant compete over cake? All because Grandma didn't want her favorite grandchild to suffer the impersonal touch of a store bought cake. Aunt Misha makes a WONDERFUL chocolate cake; Cousin Gracie has the most cunning little pans and can make almost anything into a cake; nothing can hold a candle to Grandma's own church bazaar bake off winner. Before you know it, there's hair pulling involved and screeching too. A ruckus ensues in the kitchen during the hush that descends when the lights go dim and you can smell the wax burning (and, was that... HAIR?!!). The winner of this particular competition appears with the cake miraculously intact and on fire, while the other cakes are placed side by side on the table designated for a veritable cake buffet.
It isn't enough that they hold this bake off everytime there's a birthday; they do so enjoy their ritual of cake worship with sanctimonious pity for us gluten-free types. This ritual is reserved for the losers of the the cake-off as a consolation prize. They take a sinister delight in what they think is your own struggle with the agony of self denial. They slice off slabs of cake, glaring at anyone who hasn't come to the pastry Eucharist with due reverence. You don't want to spoil it for them, so you smile wistfully and try to drool a little if you really like them.
They don't need to know about the wonderful treats available to a dedicated Fat Boxer, but I'll be happy to share them with my fellow boxers in training!
One of my favorites is an ice cold root beer float. Now, boxers, there's an ART to this particular treat so pay close attention. Cram a serving of light vanilla ice cream (Publix has a wonderful house brand) into a tall glass that you had chilling in the freezer. Do NOT use a plastic cup! It must be glass, just trust me on this. Pour about half a can of room temperature diet root beer (I like Barq's) over the ice cream then shove it into the freezer for about 5 minutes. There's no real reason for shoving it into the freezer for 5 minutes, I just enjoy the anticipation! For about 120 calories you can have a treat that won't make you feel like you couldn't possible move from the sofa to the treadmill.
You can have an entire bag of microwave popcorn, a WHOLE BAG, for 150 calories! That's the equivalent of a handful of greasy chips or snack crackers. Read the labels when you buy them and pick the popcorn with the best fat-to-calorie ratio.
I don't deny myself the the occasional drippy burger either. I enjoy my protein of choice, with all the "fixins" on a couple of gluten free waffles instead of the standard sandwich bun. I use Van's brand found in the freezer cases of most of the local supermarkets. I've managed my own sanctimonious grin of pity for someone watching me eat a waffleburger!
The thing I have to remember is that just because gluten free products have a place in my diet plan, that doesn't mean they are also calorie free. Calorie counting is a major factor in my fat boxing regime. Much like living on a budget, my body requires payment as much as my rent and utilities. If I give it its due, it will give back to me whatever I require of it.
Speaking of paying my dues, Mick, my pepper-headed trainer (and Rocky's) is growling something in my head about getting back to work. I've had another 5 K.O.'s this week, and my friends, you should have been there. It was Ali and Frazier all over again. 95 more, give or take, to go. Happy boxing! I'll be cheering for you all!
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