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So You Think You Can Dance: Denver auditions
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I knew So You Think You Can Dance was in Denver because the scenery went from Modernist buildings and trash to mountains and terrifying single lane bridges spanning caverns. I think that was supposed to be beautiful and naturally awesome, but my palms were sweaty, so I can’t really remember feeling anything except a natural terror of places I’m sure we were never meant to drive over.
In Denver, we had Cat Deely counting down with her megaphone, thousands of aspiring dancers not just running for the warmth of the lobby, but leaping, all graceful and spritely like. Today, instead of NapTab, who – reminder! – are the nicest people ever, we get Sonya Tayeh, aka, the choreography with a black Mohawk and the newest choreographer to be upgraded to comfy seats at the judges table. I liked her immediately when I noticed she had the same sleepy expression as Mia Michaels. Nigel told the wanna-be Top 20 that “they better bring it,” because they’re representing Colorado. I think the room went up in cheers, but really, Nigel, representing…Colorado?
First up in Denver worth mentioning was Kayla Radomski. She barely gets beyond her name and age before she’s spinning a tale about how her father left the family when she was young, and how she and her mom moved in with her grandparents so that she would have every opportunity to dance. My cynical side was up in arms immediately, but one sidelong glance to my husband next to me showed me I’m clearly a horrible person because he was dabbing conspicuously at the corners of his eyes and sighing – in the spirit of the absent NapTab – “That’s so nice.” Plus, I realized her grandfather is 92% cuter than almost all parents and grandparents on TV right now when he broke down into tears about how proud he was of her. Go Mr. Radomski! She picked a strange version of “Blackbird” and Nigel sounded surprised when he commented, “She’s good!” Nigel and Mary talked about what great angles she has with her arms and legs, and then Sonya gave us a bunch of adjectives that I’ve never thought of in relation to modern-stretchy-dancing: hot, slick, and slippery. She seemed like she would like to continue this parade of adjective, but Nigel cut her off to say that although she’ll probably bite it in Vegas, she gets ticket through.
Next up is the strangest audition of the night and I don’t mean because it’s simply two guys dancing together. These guys seem as weird as The Mutants, but with much less green face paint. Misha Belfer and Mitch Kiber performed a samba, with their shirts unabashedly buttoned low to show off their bald, gleaming chests. I’m inclined to like them, as people, because they seem like earnestly lovable, like Sam and his friends in the show Freaks and Geeks. But as they danced, it all just became uncomfortable, especially at the judges table, where confused, hollow-eyed stares dominated. Then, Mitch and Misha fell – not stumbled, but completely crumpled to the floor. I was horrified for these guys, but eager to see what the judges would say – was this the moment So You Think You Can Dance abandons its loveable, encouraging mantra for the easy joke? Of course not – Nigel does make a comparison to Will Ferrell in the movie Blades of Glory, but he is more concerned that their dancing will alienate the audience. But he told them that individually, their dancing was good, which is nice of him, because these two guys obviously take their dancing very seriously. Mary noted that it wasn’t the two men dancing that was the problem, but the two men dancing who kept switching the lead role between them. Sonya whispered something to Mary and then, kept touching her during her critique, so I’m not really sure what her comment was, except that it had something to do with female energy. So Mitch and Misha and their earnest, gleaming chests got sent to choreography to dance with female partners and Mitch – who is straight – looked overjoyed to be back in the land of women. But the joke’s on both of them, because neither one gets through to Vegas, although eleven other nameless dancers do.
Every episode needs at least one bona fide crazy and Denver’s was contestant Allison Moist (yes, that is seriously her name), who twirled around on stage with Star Wars light sabers and Ewok ears. She danced like a drunk aunt at your wedding, but ten times less rhythmically talented. She also painted mismatching cat whiskers on her face and just as I decided that she was probably an Ewok, she announced that she was a lion. Huh? Nigel called her out on her stupid schtick – he puns on galaxies, and Mary throws in “overdrive” for more giggles, though I think she meant hyperdrive. I should mention that Mary made this comment in an outfit that was one-step away from taking over for Calamity Jane, but she still looked positively normal next to Allison “Lion” Moist. Sonya took the opportunity to call her out on technical details, like, um, dancing, and makes Ms. Moist look like she’s about to get eaten by Jabba. After one more pun, Allison took the long walk of shame, hopefully to a galaxy far, far away.
Eighteen year-old pop/locker Elias Holloway performed with his sixteen year-old brother. They were like the Doublemint twins, just with more hair gel and jawline acne. Elias impressed the judges with his "marketable" look and entertaining dancing, though show me a pop/locker dance that isn’t entertaining, please. I was trying to figure out what was on his shirt, which I guess proves that he’s marketable because I just wanted to buy it. Nigel said entertaining about five times; Mary called it the cutest thing she’s seen and said the cameras will love him; I started to get panicky flashbacks to the “package artist” commentary of one Kara DioGuardi; Sonya calmed me by giving him her blessing with a prayer nod. They decided to send him to choreography, but ultimately, Elias did not make the cut for Vegas. I’m sure he’ll be back in July, trying out for the fall’s season 6 cycle.
My favorite two dancers of the entire, young season, the two I am rooting for even before seeing what else is out there, were the last contestants of the two-hour broadcast. Brandon Bryant, 19, and Natalie Reid, 23, both looked oddly familiar. Then I realized – hey! That was the guy who Gev beat out! That was the girl who basically defended her roommate, Katie Shean, and got her third place last year! Natalie danced first, and man, has she improved since her last audition, as evidenced by Sonya’s check clenching and convulsing over the table. Sonya could not speak coherently and was tearing up; she said she got chills and wanted it to continue and called herself her biggest fan. Well, Sonya, we’ll see about that. Mary was proud and called her phenomenal; the organic and realness of it all – she predicted that Natalie would go the distance this time. Nigel called her dance superb and asked if she had any more flatmates who would take it away and they made no pretense of not giving her a ticket to go directly to Vegas. Natalie called Katie immediately; but the stock photo of Katie was creepy and anyway, where is Katie? An undisclosed dance location? Why wasn’t she there to root on the girl that catapulted her to fame and fortune last year?
Brandon Bryant danced to music that I always associate with the creepy spawn of Satan movie, The Omen, but his dancing was beyond beautiful and tender. All I wanted to do was watch him and his seemingly effortless split jumps for a few more hours. He left Calamity Mary in tears and proclaiming that, based on his technique, artistry, intent, commitment, and emotion, if he doesn’t make the top 20, she’ll just die. Never one for the overstatement, that Mary. Sonya spoke of its wonderfulness and Nigel hoped that he would show some personality this year since last time he tried out, he was too quiet to make it to the Top 20. He responded, in a sort of shy way, that he would show his personality. I hereby deem Brandon shy and adorable. It was straight to Vegas for him.
All in all, 19 dancers from Colorado got through to Vegas. So what did you think, Danceaholics? Did Colorado bring it, as Nigel urged? Did you fall in love with Brandon and Natalie as much as I did? Were you continuingly happy not to have deal with the Snuggle happy dancing segments? Was Cat Deely wearing gloves made out of leprechauns? When will the Mary Murphy scream return and when, oh when, will we see Mia Michaels? Leave it all in the comments below. And don’t forget – next week, we have Miami and Memphis! Time to get your southern on!
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