RSS
Home
The Serum
Print
Email
RSS
Subscribe
Related Articles
After receiving significant input on the proper verbiage for TS/TG individuals, I asked a friend of mine to write an article about his experience. Every individual has their own story and their own wisdom to share.
The Serum
It was around 7:00 PM. A few close friends crammed into my tiny studio apartment in a combination of moral support, shared excitement and general curiosity. The apartment that I had gotten was smaller than most living rooms I'd ever seen - but it was fine for me and the dog - and it was to be my first 'home base' for my new life in Seattle (despite the fact that when I'd arrived in the Summer, it was literally a stucco easy-bake-oven set to pre-heat until I got home to roast). Tasty.
It was November and Seattle had started to show it's true colors in streaks on my window... and the palette of my friends.
Tonight was the night I was finally going to start my (hate to be cliche) "journey," though it is more of an eternal staircase than a nice walk in the woods. After 27 years of irritation and frustration with myself and why I felt so alien and another 3 years of realization, preparation, investigation and about 4 other 'ations , including the damnations of relationships lost due to my decisions and identity by family and lovers alike, I had finally made the move, settled in, finished my required stint of therapy, gotten my papers, filled my prescription, jumped through the hoops, pony! and now it was time.
I picked up the amber vial filled with cc's of long-awaited destiny. Testosterone. Made out to me. I had chosen a close friend to give me my first shot in the bum, as I'm quite afraid of needles, and having not experienced administering a syringe myself, thought it wise. After all, it was just my luck that I would be the 1 in 100,000,000,001 people who hit a main nerve and end up barking every time I blink too quickly in succession as a result. I was scared of the 'pinch', but it was a small sacrifice for this Pinocchio to lose his strings. This was my moment. At 30 years of age, I was finally taking charge of my life and taking the first physical step in being connected to my own self.
I picked up the amber vial filled with cc's of long-awaited destiny. Testosterone. Made out to me. I had chosen a close friend to give me my first shot in the bum, as I'm quite afraid of needles, and having not experienced administering a syringe myself, thought it wise. After all, it was just my luck that I would be the 1 in 100,000,000,001 people who hit a main nerve and end up barking every time I blink too quickly in succession as a result. I was scared of the 'pinch', but it was a small sacrifice for this Pinocchio to lose his strings. This was my moment. At 30 years of age, I was finally taking charge of my life and taking the first physical step in being connected to my own self.
What song falls under the soundtrack of my life for this moment?
"(familiar intro) "I can feel it coming in the air tonight, oh lord
Ive been waiting for this moment, all my life, oh lord"
"(familiar intro) "I can feel it coming in the air tonight, oh lord
Ive been waiting for this moment, all my life, oh lord"
Perrrrfect.
I readied myself and was distracted just enough by the "cute freckle" comment before he plunged.
I readied myself and was distracted just enough by the "cute freckle" comment before he plunged.
It didn't hurt. Looking back it was probably the adrenaline, but it was over in a few seconds. Did I feel different? Had anything changed, other than my color turning ghost white in anticipation of the needle?
I waited for the surge. The electricity. The "I'm a superhero now" rush....
just nervous sweat.
The next few weeks saw me taking pictures every day and looking for signs of change. My voice decided to drop first (and much to my joy - a lot earlier than most peoples'). In the privacy of my tiny oven I hummed and hollered from one end of the musical scale to the other in the hopes of, in the end, having a voice which rested on the normal octave scale for bio men - as opposed to the dreaded leprechaun voice. Next came the broadening of my face (and the increase of facial oil). It was carefully studied day after day, as if I had an undiagnosed case of reflective surface disorder - every mirror fell victim to the invisible blueprint of where my jaw used to jut and where it jutted now.
The next few weeks saw me taking pictures every day and looking for signs of change. My voice decided to drop first (and much to my joy - a lot earlier than most peoples'). In the privacy of my tiny oven I hummed and hollered from one end of the musical scale to the other in the hopes of, in the end, having a voice which rested on the normal octave scale for bio men - as opposed to the dreaded leprechaun voice. Next came the broadening of my face (and the increase of facial oil). It was carefully studied day after day, as if I had an undiagnosed case of reflective surface disorder - every mirror fell victim to the invisible blueprint of where my jaw used to jut and where it jutted now.
Then - came the moment I'd been waiting for. After weeks of peeking, my dick had finally been delivered. It was small. But it wasn't AS small as it had been. Holy Smokes it was here! I was so god damn excited. It felt good. It was only a gnat's ass bigger than it used to be, but I was going to make damn sure that gnat's ass was recognized. "Baby --- You're gonna be in PICTURES!" *click click* *upload* *download* *resize* *drag to folder* *make folder private* *make folder REALLY private* *make password so hard that no one will ever guess it* * send password to myself in email for when I inevitably forget it* Damn, I'm good.
The shoulders, the muscle tone, the faint beginnings of sideburns and mustache fur - they would all follow - and I would take them in stride along with the rest of my life's celebrations and disappointments - Some more funny than others. But those were just the physical changes. I knew what to generally expect from them. Of course there are the variances ... how big would 'it' get, would i go bald, would i have acne, would I gain or lose weight... but the most affective elements are the ones that I hadn't expected... the way the chemical and physical changes would influence my thoughts and emotions and relations to things, people, notions, sex, ideas and ideals.
Those things which I am still sorting through.
The shoulders, the muscle tone, the faint beginnings of sideburns and mustache fur - they would all follow - and I would take them in stride along with the rest of my life's celebrations and disappointments - Some more funny than others. But those were just the physical changes. I knew what to generally expect from them. Of course there are the variances ... how big would 'it' get, would i go bald, would i have acne, would I gain or lose weight... but the most affective elements are the ones that I hadn't expected... the way the chemical and physical changes would influence my thoughts and emotions and relations to things, people, notions, sex, ideas and ideals.
Those things which I am still sorting through.
If you like what you see, please share, subscribe, bookmark/RSS
More About:
Lesbianism 101
Related Articles:
Add a Comment
I have been remiss in my blogging duties lately. Though there has been ample to blog about, life has been too hectic for the last month to focus on …
Fundamentalists and right wing pundits in Maine demonstrated their finesse at utilizing morality to win the public hate debate surrounding gay rights. …
