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Magic Wand Syndrome
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(Photo: Martin Brož)
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I recognize that some men are oddly preoccupied with lesbians. These men have only two stereotypes in mind when it comes to labial loving women: the man hating butch lesbian and the gorgeous lipstick lesbian, who secretly wants a threesome. Thus, lesbians are divided into two groups: the women that men don’t want and the women that haven’t met them yet.
I understand that porn has propagated this myth. Unfortunately this misunderstanding compels men to ask women, who are openly gay, inappropriate questions, make inaccurate assumptions and create awkward situations. I have found myself in this scenario repeatedly over the years, with dozens of different guys. The topic of lesbianism is exciting and titillating to them. Their questions, observations and suggestions are highly repetitive to me.
It is such a common phenomena that I titled it years ago…the Magic Wand Syndrome. This syndrome has several common and obvious symptoms and side effects, including, but not limited to:
- The assumption that lesbianism is a function of not having ‘found the right man yet.’
- The assumption that something bad must have happened to make a lesbian ‘hate men,’ because, of course, not sleeping with men MUST mean you hate them, right? It couldn’t possibly have anything to do with women.
- The assumption that lesbianism denotes a willingness to discuss what goes on behind closed doors with strange men possessing excessive curiosity. This is often coupled with the assumption that lesbianism indicates a willingness to sleep with any and all women, as well as several other bizarre misperceptions.
- The assumption that their prowess, virility and sexual ability is a rare and scarce commodity.
- The assumption that the appendage between their thighs is imbued with miraculous powers to reduce ALL women to quivering piles of lustful goo.
- The assumption that this appendage is capable of casting charm spells, when prominently displayed, thereby negating all prior assumptions of sexual orientation.
- The assumption that the magical, all powerful appendage dwarfs, dominates and surpasses the other 3-3.5 billion on the planet.
- Often accompanied by a borderline obsessive compulsive need to check on the appendage frequently; touching it, stroking it, making sure it is comfortable, positioned properly and can breathe. This behavior could also be associated with a man who has made a very poor choice in briefs, has crabs or a rash.
- Most men afflicted with this syndrome exhibit multiple symptoms.
- In extreme cases, those afflicted with this syndrome have been known to respond to the knowledge that a woman is gay by promptly becoming fixated on conversing with her breasts, about the merits of the magical appendage, while adjusting every few seconds.
As the symptoms clearly indicate, there is substantial denial and detachment from reality associated with the Magic Wand Syndrome. Men afflicted with this malady should be avoided whenever possible. There is no point in engaging them in conversation or attempting to enlighten them. At some point excessive porn ingestion disengaged their brains from reality.
To all the men who think they are physiologically endowed with the ‘cure’ to lesbianism: your ignorance and illusions are irritating. Whatever you were born with…it is not special. It possesses no magical powers. No matter how wonderful and talented it may be, I am not interested. It isn’t personal.
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