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Gay rights rant
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Fundamentalists and right wing pundits in Maine demonstrated their finesse at utilizing morality to win the public hate debate surrounding gay rights.
The entire gay rights debate chafes me. I am annoyed that there is a debate about something that should be a non-issue. Is there anything new about being gay? Nope, we’ve been around since the species started recording things, though long term marginalization requires sifting and sorting through the details to find us. Is homosexuality unusual? Nope, there are more of us than there are left-handed people, people with green eyes or people with IQs over 140. Furthermore there are people that are green-eyed, left-handed, with an IQ well over 140, gay and/or transgendered. Genetic variations are astonishing, aren’t they?
The fundamentalists, who staunchly refuse to accept that homosexuality is genetic, encourage ‘gay conversion therapy.’ It is deemed particularly successful when the ‘converted’ homosexual goes on to enter a heterosexual union and procreate, thereby fulfilling God’s imperative and passing on their cocktail of genes for posterity. One of the ingredients in that cocktail is homosexuality. Whether that gene manifests every generation or every few generations, it will absolutely continue to manifest, just like having your dad’s eyes, your mom’s smile and your grandmother’s temperament. The irony makes me chuckle. (insert evil cackle here)
Homophobes, by discriminating against homosexuals, thereby forcing many into heterosexual relationships to avoid persecution, have insured that the genetic code associated with homosexuality has been widely disseminated throughout the species. For thousands of years, the variations in sexual and gender orientation have been deeply embedded in human DNA. Homosexuality is not going to ‘go away.’ Since we’re already here, and we were born queer, we have no choice but to encourage others to acclimate to our existence. The alternative is a lifetime of deceit.
What is the function of sexual identity, gender identity, emotional intimacy and partnership? What impact do these connections with others have on our emotional stability, function and self-definition? I think most psychologists would agree that these variables are vital to our sense of self, spiritual growth and emotional well-being. To deny the importance of these variables is to dismiss the importance of emotional connections on human development.
In our most intimate relationships, humans seek to feel accepted, respected, worthy, and even admired, in the eyes of our mate. We would like our relationship to be a comfortable place for us when we are weary, providing a space of compassion, sanctuary and support.
Fear of intimacy arises when people become afraid to expose themselves to someone whose opinion matters, whether that person is a significant other, a friend or a family member. What if we are criticized, laughed at, rejected, alienated or seen as undesirable for our expression of who we authentically are, by someone very close and important to us? Though these are the people that it is hardest to reveal our inner truths to, ironically these are the very people that we need most to do it with. Humans are social animals. As such, there should be no difficulty understanding how damaging social alienation can be.
I recognize that there are many people who view homosexuality as perverse, amoral, sinful and wrong. I can accept that. We all have a right to our own opinions and I find it easy to dismiss opinions that I deem foolish and misguided. However, my opinion should not dictate the legitimacy or illegitimacy of someone else’s life experience, relationship or sense of self. By the same logic, the opinions of others about my life and legitimacy SHOULD be irrelevant. My right to exist, within the limits of the law, should be equally protected and facilitated. Unfortunately that is merely ideological philosophy, in direct contradiction to the political reality of rights being decided in the ballot box by the masses.
The hatred is real: abusive, intrusive, tangible and potentially fatal. It demands a response. Marriage, military service, immigration equality are not simply gay issues. They are civil rights issues. They are human rights issues.
The LGBT community is a diverse group of individuals pursuing social, legal and political change. There is far too much diversity within the community to summarize it into acronyms and legislation. Each of us has our own individual goals, desires, concerns and priorities. The goal is tolerance. If homophobia was not expressed through discrimination in the political system, the legal system and the workplace, I would find it easy to ignore. If people weren’t being attacked and killed based on this discrimination, there would be no reason to assimilate into a community based on this trait.
I find it annoying that all people who advocate on behalf of gay rights are promptly labeled radical activists or liberals by opponents. I suppose it is a good tactic to insure that Conservative voters never come to their senses. The horror of being referred to as a liberal would be too much to bear.
The truth is that there is nothing radical about the gay rights movement. If opponents would take a moment to review what this is about and walk a second in someone else’s shoes, then the debate over gay rights would become a thing of the past.
Note about this video: I didn’t make it. I have no idea where the creator got their statistics, because there haven’t been many studies done on homosexuality or gay bullying in the school system. It is hard to get funding to study a behavior that is socially maligned. The studies that are out there often need to be scrutinized for bias and motive. I also don’t know why the creator of the video did not use spell check prior to publishing.
When critics cite the dysfunction within the gay community, I want to scream at them, “What do you expect?” I’ve got an idea, but it’s very Mengele. Let’s take a control group of humans, disparage and denigrate them in a myriad of ways, covertly and overtly, for decades and see how that impacts their psychology, self-esteem and subsequent behavior. There are, indeed, a lot of abuse issues within the gay community, but to cite those issues as evidence of innate dysfunction within homosexuals is to deny culpability in creating an unhealthy atmosphere in the home, in the schools and in the workplace. Abuse and escapism through alcohol and drugs is a normal human reaction to sustained emotional/psychological stress and trauma. Suicide is a normal reaction to internalized self-loathing, depression and alienation. None of the issues plaguing the gay community should surprise anyone when headlines pop up daily about gay men attacked, lesbians raped, transgendered people murdered and gay taunts compelling teens to commit suicide.
The households that adamantly oppose LGBT rights are working diligently to insure that their children continue to attack, disparage, harass and humiliate LGBT classmates. When parent’s consider homosexuality a threat to their children, and make that sentiment known to their children, they are influencing the child’s perception, potentially making the child a threat to LGBT students. If the child happens to be a future member of the LGBT community, the comments in the home increase the risk of suicide risk. Republican parents are just as likely to be raising a gay child as Democratic parents. How does cultivating discrimination or self-loathing constitute good parenting? Do I get to vote on whether these people should be raising children?
What about the children of the LGBT community who are exposed to vile comments at school, disparaging their parents, based on lewd innuendo and biased moral assumptions? How would the parents, who oppose gay rights, feel if their child was exposed to attacks based on social condemnation of them? How are the parents of LGBT children supposed to feel about the dangers posed to their sons and daughters in schools, at work and in the street? Can they imagine how horrible it feels knowing that you can’t protect your child from the world? I would assume that they can understand this sentiment given the focus on ‘protecting THEIR children’ in the schools.
What about children being raised in homes with LGBT parents? When two people get married, it establishes permanence to the relationship that insures familial stability for children. For a child, it allows emotional intimacy with a step-parent, because marriage denotes an added commitment to being a part of that child’s life for the long haul. Children are not as likely to bond if there is concern that the relationship is temporal.
Yet, there is no sympathy, no empathy and no compassion from these folks, many of whom espouse adherence to Christian tenets. Instead the philosophy of judge now, because you don’t know when Christ is coming, has taken root in our society. Moral outrage over gay rights is merely today’s choice of attire, cloaking intolerance, prejudice and the desire of one human to be better than another. Adherence to God is utilized to alleviate the individual’s conscience and sense of responsibility or remorse when engaging in abhorrent, destructive behavior.
I think the LGBT community’s response to discrimination is a typical human response. This is what happens when a minority confronts enormous social inequality and inequity in a political system that touts inclusion, meritocracy and equal rights. There are several vital ingredients to live, liberty and the pursuit of happiness on the line. Our relationships, our families, our friends, our careers, our integrity and the quality of our lives are at stake.
What would heterosexuals do in this situation? What if gays were the majority and discriminated against heterosexuals? Before anyone thinks to state the obvious procreation problem, keep in mind that science has provided numerous workaround solutions. Lesbian’s wombs work just fine and gay men are not firing blanks.
- How would you feel if you were told that you couldn’t have children, because you were deemed a potential pedophile. This decision is based solely on a label, a box in which you have been placed, rather than being based on anything that you have ever done. Would it annoy you? Do you consider someone an idiot if they decide you are (fill in the blank) because of your race, religion, gender, age, national origin? How would you feel if one idiot, gathered with others of the same mindset, and made a law to make sure that you could never adopt or have full custody of children?
- As if there aren’t enough challenges in life, the simple, heartfelt decision to make a path together suddenly becomes fodder for public and political debate? Given the 50% divorce rate, I doubt that most people want their relationship under the microscope of public opinion. I doubt that most people want their sex lives dictated from the ballot box. What if kinky people decide that people who are too vanilla in bed have to be curtailed or eliminated? What if vanilla people decide that anything other than missionary position is illegal? Yes, that is extreme, but the point is that there is infinite variation on human sexual expression and it is safe to assume that few people want the public dictating their bedroom proclivities. How would you feel if everyone went to the poll to vote about your existing relationship? Do you want the general public to vote on who you can marry?
- There is frequently discrimination in the workplace. If you are a woman or a minority, you can pursue justice through the EEOC. Whereas the system is flawed, there is some recourse for discrimination and harassment in the workplace. How would you feel if your employer fired you for no reason other than prejudice against your ‘lifestyle?’ How would you feel if the only option was to lie and change pronouns, forming your work relationships based on a fictional account of your personal life and diligent effort to insure that the two worlds never collide.
Bluntly, many things in life are not a choice. We are all born with a mish mash of talents, abilities, proclivities and inclinations. What we achieve with those things is determined by access to opportunity.
Discrimination curtails opportunity for those discriminated against. I think we can everyone can agree that there are a lot of people who feel prejudicial towards the LGBT community in general. That sentiment is expressed openly in laws prohibiting the expression of our commitments to one another. That sentiment is expressed every time one boy calls another ‘f@g.’ It is consistent. It is pervasive. It is invasive. It is intolerable.
The LGBT community is an asset. We always have been. Gay rights will be achieved, because we have more invested than those who oppose us. Opponents are invested based on fear and loathing. Proponents are invested based on love and the human desire for respect and acceptance. Hate cannot be allowed to triumph.
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