You are what you drive

January 4, 2:30 PMDC Alternative Transportation ExaminerMarc Neilson

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Does this person match this car?

How much thought did you put into your last car purchase? Do you consider your car an extension of your immortal being or simply a means of getting from point A to B? Do you give your car a name? Do you even own a car? These are a few simple questions that may indicate whether or not your car (or lack of one) reflects your personality.

We are all aware of the stereotypical images of drivers and their cars. For example: a macho male might drive a Hummer or a sensible soccer mom might drive a minivan. Recently, the writer Brie Cadman went so far as to back up some of these stereotypes with scientific evidence based on surveys done by certain researchers at so and so university blah blah. It was a rather obvious but interesting observation about why certain people buy certain cars.

The bottom line is that cultural influences, geographic location and individual taste are the most common reasons for choosing the vehicles we choose. Washington, DC has a unique atmosphere that adds a particularly interesting twist on people's choices of four-wheeled transport. Below I have listed a few DC driver stereotypes that you may find interesting:

1. The non-car owner: Male or female and fiercely proud of not owning a car. Will regale you with stories of how evil cars are and how green they are for not owning one. Social lives completely shaped around public transport routes and often do not venture outside the city except by plane or train.
2. The hybrid car owner: No longer limited to just the Prius, the hybrid car owner can choose SUVs, large sedans or whatever strikes their fancy in hybrid form. Feel wonderfully environmental regardless of achieving only above average fuel consumption. Often annoy cyclists with their noiseless acceleration. Can't wait to drop their hybrid car ownership into cocktail conversation. Bummed that hybrids are no longer allowed in DC Metro area HOV lanes without at least two people aboard (unless car registered before 2006).
3. The shameless, full-size SUV owner: Will immediately justify owning their SUV even without provocation. Feel no remorse that their massive car only has 2-wheel drive. For those with 4-wheel drive, have no clue on how to operate it. Need their SUV for "protection". Secretly enjoy hitting deer.
4. The non-descript mid-size, beige sedan owner: Not sure if their car is a Honda or Toyota. Chose car for its nice stereo. Often choose cars based on available finance plans. Car becomes camouflaged when heading up GW Parkway.
5. The compact car owner: Realize how much easier it is to park without a large trunk. Revel in their decent gas mileage. Feel no shame in celebrating smallness. Enjoy zipping around Camry's in DC traffic.
6. The compact SUV owner: To embarrassed to go full size. Realize you do not need a Chevy Suburban to seat 7 people. Want elevated ride height without the truck turning radius. Content to let the car's safety systems do the work.
7. The luxury car owner: Has been working for Government for 35 years. Bought a house in DC during 1949 when prices were reasonable. Elated when Bose started making car stereos. Still talk on their hand phone even with their advanced Bluetooth system. Will take 2 hours to drive downtown rather than board a bus for 20 minutes.
8. The sports car owner: Actually enjoys driving. Not afraid of a manual transmission. Gets a constant stream of DC speed camera tickets in the mail. Wants a bit of attention. Could be male or female unless car is Porsche (honestly, I've never seen a woman drive a Porsche, why is this?) Knows how fun MacArthur Rd. is to drive from Sibley hospital to Great Falls National Park.
9. The mini-van owner: Knows where every school is in their county. Can install a child car seat within seconds. If male, will often drive in a cap and sunglasses to avoid notice. Realize that a mini-van is way more efficient than an SUV for transporting a family. Not afraid to go practical vs sporty. Are grateful for rear seat entertainment systems.

So there you have it, a rather unscientific analysis of DC drivers and non-drivers. Which category best fits you? Do you feel you are a completely new category? Let us know in the comments below.