The Bachelorette - Week 3

June 4, 7:10 PMSan Antonio Relationship Health ExaminerPaige Stroman

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Jillian Harris, 29, The Bachelorette

Every week I will be reviewing a scene from The Bachelorette and giving my opinion on this show from the Relationship Health standpoint. I used to watch this show for fun. Now I watch it for fun but also for practice in being able to spot unhealthy behaviors. If you really watch the show from this standpoint, you can see all sorts of subconscious issues being triggered in all the participants. This helps give me a clearer picture of what issues might be presenting themselves from my subconscious without me even realizing it. And if you have a clear picture of yourself, it helps everyone else around you become and remain in focus as well.

This season's Bachelorette is Jillian Haris from the last season of the Bachelor. She was dumped by Jason very nearly at the end. Jillian is attractive and has a lot of mommy and daddy issues from the past that show up in every show making for great ratings and interest. Jillian divulged on the Bachelor that her mother dealt with chronic depression and attempted suicide a few times. This left Jillian's dad trying to hold the family together while he kept his pain inside. Thus, Jillian keeps her pain inside as well and doesn't open to people easily (all the above is self-admitted). Now Jillian constantly makes reference to the fact that she's looking for a man to "take care of her." (Just like mommy and daddy never really could). In this week's episode, she even went to far as to refer to her feelings for Ed, one of the hubby-candidates, as "I feel like little Jillian and he's this big guy who's gonna take care of me." It's not like he's 6 foot 4 and she's 5 foot 2. He's average height and so is she. This was clearly, to me, referring to her parental issues.

Ed, a Technology Consultant, seems very insecure himself, which he doesn't own. He looks embarrassed with compliments and admits he doesn't open up to people very easily himself. Ed tries to present himself as confident and admitted very easily how much of a work-aholic he is (which Jillian identified with). Work-aholism for a lot of people, comes from a need for validation. If someone is good at their job and receives a lot of praise, they can become addicted to this validation, thereby becoming addicted to the work. Ed, at the end of his 1st one-on-one date with Jillian said, "You're what I'm looking for." The only time they had spent together was in a group with the rest of the guys. Sure, she may look like and SEEM like what he's looking for, but it' a little early to determine if that's the case. Stop looking at the picture in your head of who you want her to be, Ed, and get to who she really is! Then, maybe later, you can make that determination rationally and not reactionally.

I could write a dissertation on each episode, but I will just keep my reviews to one key scene each episode or some key dialogue. The bottom line - in my opinion, this show is a great way to see what's out there in the dating pool. And by my assessment, it's pretty shallow! Codependency, Love Addiction and other addictions rear their ugly heads in every Reality Show around. The Bachelorette is a great opportunity to see all sorts of sub-conscious issues come to light. How many can you identify?

The Bachelorette is on ABC on Monday Nights.  If you enjoyed this article, please read my other articles on The Recovery Process and my book review of "Ready to Heal" by licensed therapist, Kelly McDaniel.

I'm Paige Stroman and I'm dedicated to Relationship Health.