"Ready to Heal" - love addiction recovery book

May 18, 1:02 PMSan Antonio Relationship Health ExaminerPaige Stroman

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  Ready to Heal by Kelly McDaniel

"When love hurts, you may wonder about your romantic choices or difficulty with sexuality.  Perhaps, like many others, you are experiencing the pain of an addictive relationship - the kind of relationship that's painful to be in, yet impossible to leave.  Living with this kind of relationship brings a profound sense of emptiness.  You feel pain, anger and confusion rather than much desired closeness, warmth and security.  You find yourself feeling broken."

The beginning of Kelly McDaniel's book, "Ready to Heal," resonated with me from this very first paragraph.  Reading the rest of Kelly's book was so comforting.  It was as if finally somebody understood who I was and could explain to me why I was continuing patterns I knew were destructive but seemed unable to stop. 

McDaniel's book cleverly intertwines life-experiences with real women with clinical information.  What I especially like is the way that she follows several women's journeys throughout the book.  You really get to feel a connection with each woman as you follow them through their recovery.  Most books I have read just give examples of women throughout without following any one woman's journey from start to finish.  I like the continuity and intimacy this evokes. 

This book is written for women, although it certainly applies to men as well.  Any human being in an addictive relationship will find solace and aide in McDaniel's words.  I know several men who have read this book and they found it just as helpful and insightful as I did. 

"When the valid human need for love and connection is distorted by chronic fear, a double bind emerges.  Any attempt you make to find a healthy relationship seems to fail.  Your painful patterns may include:

• excessive flirtation and promiscuity
• participation in many relationships, one right after another
• times of avoiding intimacy or sexuality in an effort to stay safe
• extreme, reoccurring anger with intimate partners
• patterns of choosing partners who are addicted to sex, substances, or work, and are not available for a relationship"

The above bullet-point list from the book's back cover gives actions that describe a lot of us out there, me included.  If you feel that any of this resonates with you, there is plenty of help available to you.  Kelly's book is just one example.  San Antonio is also home to one of only five Love Addiction (Relationship Recovery) meetings in the country.  Al-Anon is also a wonderful group to help teach anyone to practice healthy relationships.  Through these and other support groups, you can meet people with similar experiences where you can learn from each other by sharing strength, hope and experience. 

Are you "Ready to Heal?"  If so, continue reading my articles and join me on my journey to foster and nurture healthy relationships with those currently in my life and those in my future.  I want to put an end to the generational dysfunction that has plagued my family by first learning how to be free from things like Co-Dependency and then passing along these valuable lessons to my son.  And let's not forget about the impact we all have on each others' lives.  One repeatedly negative relationship with a co-worker can have just as much impact on someone as a romantic relationship.  It's all about learning what our triggers are and learning new healthy behaviors to replace the old, dysfunctional knee-jerk reactions.  Instead of reacting to life, we can learn to respond.  We can release pain from our past that we are carrying around.  We can increase our self-esteem and self-worth that robs us of the experience of reaching our full potential.  And we can create joy and harmony rather than perpetuating pain and dis-ease. 

The journey of recovery is one that can be difficult and long.  But it is also filled with things like faith, hope and a renewed sense of spirit.  These are the things that make life worth living.  Please feel free to contact me with questions, feedback or suggestions for articles you'd like to see at AskPaige@gmail.com.

• For more information on "Ready to Heal," please visit Kelly McDaniel's website at www.kellymcdaniellpc.com. 
• For more information on the Love Addiction meeting in San Antonio, please visit www.loveaddicts.org/meetingsanantonio.htm
• For more information on Al-Anon, please visit www.al-anon.alateen.org/english.html

Learn to Love Yourself and More Love Will Follow!