Divorce is not an option

December 4, 1:03 PMAtlanta Relationship ExaminerAshia Sims

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Yesterday the lovely women of The View were giving their opinions (as usual) on various hot topics.  Barbara Walters is having her show that features the 10 most fascinating people of 2008 aired on ABC tomorrow.  Since Barbara Walters is also a creator and host on The View, she gave those viewers a sneak preview of the show yesterday.  She interviewed Will Smith this year and of course he discussed his marriage to Jada Pinkett Smith.  One of the things he said is that “divorce is not an option” for them.

Well some of the ladies of The View felt that sometimes divorce needs to be an option when you’ve worked at it very hard and it’s just not working.  That got me to thinking.  I am not a married woman and I have never been engaged or even almost engaged but one of the biggest reasons is because I take marriage very seriously.  Even if I was in a relationship where the guy I was dating mentioned marriage, I have always known that it wouldn’t be something I would enter into lightly.  I typically don’t take marriage talk seriously until the relationship has shown that it has staying power without the ring and ceremony.  Since I’m still single, apparently none of mine have shown that staying power.

However, I agree totally with Will and what he said about divorce.  In my mind, once I’m married it’s FOR LIFE.  There is no breaking up or getting a divorce.  We are going to make it work and grow old together.  Period.  I do agree that if you make divorce an option, even if only in the back of your mind, you give yourself permission to not work as hard as possible to make the relationship work. 

Over time, I have figured out that marriage is indeed one of the hardest undertakings that anyone can make.  I learned by watching my mother in her marriage to my step father as well as by watching and talking to friends of mine who have gotten married and the ones who have gotten divorced.  I also learned by becoming an active observer of the people closest to me and how they interact with each other.  All relationships take work but marriage takes lots of work and I understand and respect that.  So for me, divorce is definitely not an option.  What about you?