Relationship demotion

Have you ever been in a relationship where things were very rosy?  You spend a lot of time with each other.  You talk to each other often.  You have full access to each other’s lives.  Everything is blissful and easy.  Then all of a sudden, you stop spending as much time together.  Then you begin to speak less often.  Eventually you no longer have full access to each other’s lives.  You may feel slighted, hurt or confused.  You have just experienced a relationship demotion.

This has probably happened to a lot of people.  It can happen in any relationship but it is most common in romantic relationships.  It is usually a prelude to a breakup and sometimes the person who has been demoted doesn’t understand why.  If you feel like you have been demoted in a relationship, you can either; walk away or seek closure by talking things out.

Closure is very important to me, especially in romantic relationships so I would approach the person and talk things out.  The con to doing things this way is that you must be fully prepared to hear things that you will find to be unpleasant.  Your first reaction may be to defend yourself, but this is counterproductive.  First, you need to hear the other person out and really listen to what he/she is saying.   

At this point, you should wait until they are truly finished and then end the conversation if possible.  You will probably hear things you don’t agree with and you will need time to sort them out in your head.  Unless you can respond in the moment with a clear head and be reasonable rather than emotional, wait.  Take some time and mull over the things you’ve heard as objectively as possible.  More than likely you are responsible for your demotion. 

Once you’ve mulled things over, you have two choices.  End the relationship and walk away.  Or you can put in the work to get him/her to upgrade your position in their life.  If you take option 2, you must be willing to put in the work.  You have to win him/her back and it won’t be easy.  Winning someone back typically calls for jumping through some hoops and if you’re not up for the challenge, you should choose option 1.  Relationships take work and if you’re not willing to put in the work from the beginning, you will have to work harder to prevent the end.