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When Mom and Dad split, kids don't have to suffer
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When celebrity couples divorce, little attention is given to the children and how they are coping with this major familial upheaval. They may have separated, but Jon and Kate Gosselin will have to share responsibility in continuously assuring their eight children that they are not the cause of a failed marriage. South Carolina's First Couple, Mark and Jenny Sanford, will have to do the same with their four boys. And, not unlike children of divorcing parents not in the media glare, each child will react differently to the news of the divorce.
A fact sheet by the University of New Hampshire explains, by age, how children may respond to their parents’ divorce and indicates that even infants may show some reaction to the conflict by feeding off their parents’ moods. Preschoolers, the fact sheet suggests, may feel responsible for their parents’ separation, while school-aged children are believed to have the most difficulty adjusting to a divorce and are most likely to feel rejected by the parent who left. Adolescents, too, may feel like they’ve lost parental support, and they may also feel pressured to take sides in the conflict.
The book Don’t Divorce Your Children by Drs. Jennifer Lewis and William Sammons explores “The Rights of Children”, 14 things that parents contemplating divorce should ensure for their children. These include honest responses to questions about the divorce, top priority status in both parents’ lives, input into a visitation schedule, and freedoms from messenger roles and interparental hostility. Children, the book asserts, also deserve a right to know what the divorce agreement states, put into language they understand.
Most of all, children need to be able to express their feelings. Open, honest conversations with both parents about why they are divorcing, how the children’s lives will be impacted, and reassurances that Mommy and Daddy still love them are also critical. For many families, though, this step is often overlooked.
Organizations like Orlando Family Counseling offer many types of counseling services, including Family Counseling, to help the parents and children alike find ways of coping with divorce and other familial issues. In a setting such as this, trained counselors can identify and address children’s emotional and behavioral problems before they become real issues.
When parents divorce, it’s truly a family matter. But with adequate communication and proper guidance, children of divorced parents don’t always have to suffer.
For more info: The Effects of Divorce on Children
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