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Rating the latest horror trailers
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Various upcoming horror films
Horror films get a bad rap from the general movie going public. Many viewers consider horror to be a joke, a genre without merit, to be easily pushed aside for standard love stories and boring dramas. Through all their triumphs and failures, each year more and more horror films are being released. Here’s a look at 15 of the latest (and a couple not-so-latest) horror trailers.
“Orphan” (In theaters: July 24, 2009, Director: Jaume Collet-Serra)
There’s something wrong with Esther. Yeah, her name is Esther. That’s enough to make any small child go bonkers. This one just looks like another one of those scary little kid movies (“The Good Son,” “The Bad Seed,” “Village of the Damned”). You know, the ones where the child looks a little off and then does bad things to everyone they come in contact with. The trailer touts that we’ll never guess her secret. Well, if that secret is she’s the spawn of Satan, that’s already been done. Five times.
See it? Nah.
“Sorority Row” (In theaters: October 2, 2009, Director: Stewart Hendler)
Yes, there are way too many horror remakes slated for release, but sometimes you have to make do with what you’ve got. “Sorority Row” is a remake of the horror not-so-classic “House on Sorority Row” which was released near the end of the late-70s to early-80s horror golden age. Many people cried foul when this trailer first popped up, saying the plot closely resembled that of “I Know What You Did Last Summer.” The thing is, “IKWYDLS” wasn’t the most original movie in the world. Accidental death leads to corpse coming back for revenge? Yeah, no one did that before “IKWYDLS.” "Sorority Row" might not be the most clever film to be released, but who doesn’t want to see a bunch of snotty sorority girls get their comeuppance?
See it? Yeah.
“...of the Dead” (In theaters: Unknown, Director: George A. Romero)
Being a huge fan of Romero’s films, (no, not just the zombie films), it’s really hard to say this. “...of the Dead” doesn’t look very good. After viewing this trailer, I really never want to see it. The original trilogy of “Night,” “Dawn,” and “Day,” are three of the greatest zombie films ever made. “Land” was a nice return to where Romero got his start, while “Diary” was Romero’s way of restarting his “Dead” series. Now, he’s returning with this film, which looks like any other low budget zombie film released in the last 10 years.
See it? Yeah, for Romero fans. Nah, for everyone else.
“All the Boys Love Mandy Lane” (In theaters: July 17, 2009, Director: Jonathan Levine)
This film was originally released in 2006, screening at several film festivals before its initial theater run. That theater run never happened. The Weinstein Company sold the rights after several horror films under its moniker flopped (most notably, “Grindhouse”) and the film has yet to see a U.S. release. In July, the film will hit theaters in a limited release, which most likely won’t lead to a wider opening. What that means is most fans will have to wait for the DVD. Judging from the trailer, it might be well worth the wait.
See it? Yeah.
“H2” (In theaters: August 28, 2009, Director: Rob Zombie)
Rob Zombie’s remake of “Halloween” seemed to split the horror community right down the middle. Some loved Zombie’s gritty interpretation of the John Carpenter classic, while others were left unimpressed. The thing about the remake is, it’s really the same movie as the first, just with a Michael Myers back story. Is that so wrong? “H2” will no doubt have the Rob Zombie horror-throwback feel while being an all out violent bloodbath. It will also (thankfully) round out Zombie’s “Halloween” days. The world doesn’t really need a remake of “Halloween 3: Season of the Witch,” does it?
See it? Yeah.
“The Stepfather” (In theaters: October 16, 2009, Director: Nelson McCormick)
This one comes from the geniuses that remade “Prom Night,” so you know it’s going to be a real gem. The only true terror you’ll feel watching this trailer is imagining having to sit through this pointless remake of a little known film.
See it? Nah.
“2012” (In theaters: November 13, 2009, Director: Roland Emmerich)
Okay, so it’s not exactly a horror movie, but what’s scarier than the end of the world? Oh, you haven’t heard? The world is going to end on December 11, 2012. Don’t bother planning a future, because on that day, ka-boom. Brought to you by the guy behind “Independence Day” and “The Day After Tomorrow,” it’s another doomsday epic. The effects look pretty amazing, but after the world is destroyed and we’ve gotten to see all the scenes of mass destruction, what will be left?
See it? Yeah, until the world is destroyed. Then it’s up to you if you want to stick around.
“Zombieland” (In theaters: October 9, 2009, Director: Ruben Fleischer)
Horror fanboys will debate the existence of running zombies until December 11, 2012, when the world comes to an end. “They weren’t zombies in ’28 Days Later.’ They were people infected with a virus!” “How can you run when your muscles are decaying, not to mention when you’re suffering the effects of rigor mortis?” Blah, blah, blah. So zombies can run. Honestly, who cares? Zombie purists aren’t going to like “Zombieland” for the mere fact that the creatures can move quickly, but for those who don’t care, this film looks like it’s going to be a lot of fun. Woody Harrelson is back in another eccentric role and Bill Murray is even making a cameo appearance as a zombie. This movie is going to rule.
See it? Yeah, unless you plan on complaining about the running zombies. If so, just stay home.
Trick ‘r Treat (On DVD: October 2009, Director: Michael Dougherty)
This film was supposed to be released in theaters last October, but was pushed back for some unknown reason and then disappeared. Although it has only been screened at a few film festivals, it’s received mostly positive reviews. So, if it’s so good, why hasn’t it been released? That’s a question that can only be answered by the Hollywood gods. Looking at the trailer, the film looks like any other Halloween story, but all the praise is hard to ignore.
See it? Eh.
“Pandorum” (In theaters: September 4, 2009, Director: Christian Alvart)
From the Producers of the “Resident Evil” films. Enough said.
See it? Nah.
"The Final Destination" (In theaters: August 28, 2009, Director: David R. Ellis)
What the “Final Destination” movies have become are the film adaptations of the board game “Mouse Trap.” The deaths in these films are always some elaborate chain reaction, causing one character after the other to meet their maker. But this one’s in 3-D! Don’t these stupid kids know by now that you can’t cheat death?
See it? In 3-D: Eh. In 2-D: Nah.
“Dead Snow” (In theaters: June 19, 2009, Director: Tommy Wirkola)
What’s worse than zombies? Nazi zombies. This Norwegian film was released last week in a limited run, so if you don’t live in or near a city, it’s going to be hard to see. Still, it looks like a fun zombie film (I guess it’s too hard to make zombies scary anymore), so if you have the chance, catch it. If not, the DVD release shouldn’t be far off.
See it? Yeah.
“The Road” (In theaters: October 16, 2009, Director: John Hillcoat)
The world is a cold, dead place. Nothing will grow in our soil. There are no stores to buy food. All governments have collapsed. Men and women have turned to cannibalism to survive. They aren’t zombies. They’re people, just like you and me, pushed to do the unthinkable. If that’s not scary, I don’t know what is. And it’s based on the novel by Cormac McCarthy. What’s not to like, beside the Wilhelm scream in the trailer?
See it? Yeah.
“Shutter Island” (In theaters: October 2, 2009, Director: Martin Scorsese)
If you ask me, the best horror film Leonardo DiCaprio was ever involved in was “Critters 3.” Or not. Anyway, directorial legend Martin Scorsese isn’t going to get any Oscar nods for this thriller, but the trailer looks good enough to spark some interest from the horror community. Don’t be surprised if this turns out to be a mystery reminiscent of classic Alfred Hitchcock films.
See it? Yeah.
“The Descent: Part 2” (Release date unknown, Director: Jon Harris)
Directed by the editor of the first film, “The Descent: Part 2” picks up right where the first left off. The trailer has a sort of been-there-done-that feel to it, but that’s not going to stop fans of the original from seeing it. It won’t stop them from complaining about how it didn’t live up to their expectations either.
See it? Eh.
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