Originality? Where we're going we don't need originality

May 16, 1:45 PMNewark Movie ExaminerMark Jones

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"Back to the Future" starring Zac Efron?

"Back to the Future," released in 1985, is without a doubt an all-time classic.  Produced by Steven Spielberg and directed by Robert Zemeckis, it was the most successful film of the year, grossing more than $380 million worldwide.  It is now recognized by many as being one of the greatest movies ever made and has been selected for preservation in the United States Film Registry by the Library of Congress.  So what could possibly tarnish its legacy?  One word. A word that has become very popular in Hollywood over the past few years:  remake.

While nothing official has been declared by any of the major studios in L.A., there have been rumblings of this project coming to fruition in the near future.  Zac Efron of "High School Musical" fame has even gone as far as to throw his hat in the ring to be the next Marty McFly.  But what would 2009's version of "Back to the Future" look like?

Hypothetically, for Marty to be in high school with his parents, he would have to travel back around 30 years, landing him in 1979.  The time machine would have to be made out of a ridiculous, soon to be obsolete car, probably a Hummer.  Upon arriving in 1979, Marty would be shocked to find everyone wearing shirts with huge collars and bell bottom pants.  He would find his old friend Doc and try to convince him he's from the future by stating that in 2009 Barack Obama is president.  Doc would then reply, "Barack Obama?  The African-American?"  Then no one would laugh.

After convincing Doc he is from the future, they'll concoct some sort of scheme to harness the power of a nuclear meltdown at Three Mile Island to send the necessary 1.21 jigawatts worth of voltage to the flux capacitor in the Hummer to get Marty back to 2009.  The only problem being Marty has inadvertently made his cocaine addicted, disco dancing mother fall in love with him and is taking her to the Saturday Night Fever Dance on the same night as said meltdown.

So, in the end, Marty will attend the dance and convince his mother that she should be dating his father, a dorky Jimmy Carter wannabe.  He'll also invent break dancing, new wave alternative music, and Nintendo along the way.

Sound good?  Didn't think so.

Even though a new "Back to the Future" would undoubtedly be a terrible film that would some how make the original trilogy look worse in retrospect (i.e. "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull," "Star Wars Episodes 1-3," etc.) it's only a matter of time before it's made.  A classic story with a whole new cast of young, attractive actors is a guaranteed money-maker, so how could Hollywood resist?  And when the studios have seemingly run out of ideas, what else are they going to do?