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Seattle Political Satire Examiner

'Grande Cojones' will be mayor's legacy

October 6, 5:59 PMSeattle Political Satire ExaminerC. Y. Bermant
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Skyline photo: Kevin Connors
 
 

Most people die before a building is named after them. But New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg isn't most people.

 Bloomberg, a self-made gazillionaire who finances his own campaigns, has consistently shattered the ceiling that kept the mayoral ego on the same planet as normal people.  He raised the bar again this week by unveiling a proposed design for the Michael R. Bloomberg Government Center, which provides a monument to both his advocacy of efficient government and his massive chutzpah.

Consisting of two spheres more than 30 stories tall (and wide), the buildings will be located on the Hudson River near midtown. They will house all city, state and Federal offices, allowing the razing and replacing of several historical but ultimately inefficient structures that now house the city's governmental infrastructure, such as the drafty, overstated New York City Hall.

The design is as innovative as it is controversial. The offices are arranged in concentric circles, increasing in size and comfort as they move inward. While there are no actual windows, the office's occupant will have an option to project specific digital images on the walls. Where it was once a status symbol to have an office with a window, the top dogs in Bloomberg's world will get a wider variety of higher resolution images than the peons.

The center of the sphere will house the office of the mayor--which at this point is likely to be Bloomberg himself. The mayor is on a path to remove term limits during his own term, a feat never even attempted by any other modern politician (aside from Bloomberg's predecessor, Rudy Guiliani).

The most optimistic construction timeline is 20 years, but Bloomberg's supporters feel he will be able to lead until that time. "It's clear that the mayor will serve until he dies, and beyond," said the man on the street.

 

 

This story is satirical, and is intended as entertainment.

 

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