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Govt to declare latte cards as income, impose tax
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Taxpayers will get a surprise while filling out their 1040s this year in the miscellaneous section, when they are asked to estimate exactly how many free coffees they received from latte stands and to declare these drinks as part of their income.
"People are drinking lots of expensive coffee but are getting one in eleven of their drinks for free," said IRS flack Crystal Folgers. "Even more, if they drink on double-punch Tuesday. Essentially, the free coffee qualifies as income, and it needs to be taxed."
Folgers explained that it is never to recover the tax from consumers, since businesses are writing off the cost of the free coffees. "We need to get the money from somewhere," she said.
Free coffees won't be taxed at the retail rate, as they are possibly the most overpriced product on the market today. "We could tax at the full rate and no one will complain," Folgers said. "It's not like these lazy-ass latte-sucking fairies are going to do anything, like hijack a coffee freighter and dump the cargo into the Potomac or something."
Folgers didn't come up with that particular slur all by her little self. The program is a carry-over from the George Bush tax "reform” program, as the former president was out to coax money out of the population segment that he referred to as "latte-sucking fairies." The Obama administration decided to leave the item in place, even as it plans to change the "LSF" designation.
“At first glance this seems to be unfair," Folgers said. "But the latte-fueled gravy train is over, and we have come to town to collect what's due."
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