Add to favorites Examiner Bio

Co-sleeping, a personal story about a personal choice

photo from google

When I was pregnant with my son, I heard of co-sleeping but the idea of it just sounded odd. I knew that he was going to sleep in a bassinet in my room at first and then move straight to his crib when we were ready. I have always taken my sleep seriously and there was no way I was going to have a baby in the bed with me. I honestly had no idea how anyone could have a family bed. 

Fast forward to a wonderful day in October, that day my son was born and all of my logic about sleeping went right out that hospital window. When all of the visitors left on that first night and it was time to get some sleep after a hard but exciting day, I found myself spending the entire night staring at my son. Is he breathing? Do you think he is hungry? What if he doesn’t wake up to eat? That first night, I did not sleep a wink. The second and third nights were not much different. I would take short light naps during the day when other people were around and could monitor my son’s breathing for me. I know now it was silly but I could not help it. 

When I got home, I had the bassinet set up right by my bed and in those two hour stretches between feedings while my son was sleeping, I was in and out of sleep checking on him. When it was time to feed him, I would get him out of his bassinet and bring him into my bed and while sitting up straight nurse him back to sleep, put him back into the bassinet only to repeat the entire process two hours later. Then one time out of sheer exhaustion, I decided to lie down on my side with my son lying next to me and nursed him back to sleep and I slept too. It wasn’t my normal drifting off only to startle myself awake to see if he was alright, I got a deep and restful sleep. The next night, I started out with my son in my bed and the day after that, I gave my bassinette away. 

Co-sleeping worked for me and my family but when I confessed my sleeping arrangements to friends and family members, I got mixed reviews. Some people thought I was crazy and others worried about my son’s safety. I had started this arrangement by accident and out of convenience it stuck. It was not meant to be a long-term solution. I had my sleep situation solved but now I had a new thing to worry about. How was I going to move him to his crib when it was time? Night after night, under a heavy cloud of guilt, I would climb into bed with my son and set a new deadline for when he would move to his own bed. 

Being the ever inquisitive mother, I started doing research and was excited to find information by Dr William Sears. Dr. Sears is a pediatrician who has studied the positive aspects of co-sleeping (or sleep-sharing as he calls it) and along with his wife, had shared his bed with many of his own children. He said that having a family bed creates a close bond between the child and parent. He also believes that co-sleeping makes the child more confident and independent. He also noticed that his wife’s breathing regulated his infant’s breathing which he felt helped reduce the risk of SIDS. He also noted in sleep studies that babies who slept with their mothers were more likely to sleep on their side or back which studies have proven does reduce the risk of SIDS. 

 

While I was very excited to hear this news, I was not completely convinced that I was not being selfish. I still wondered if I was making my son too dependent on me or doing some other damage to him that would create issues for him later in life. 

Prior to finding Dr. Sear’s research, I did not run out to parties and admit that I put my son to sleep in my bed each night. However, after speaking to my pediatrician, who had also slept with each of her two sons, I started feeling a bit less self-conscious about admitting it to others. When I did, I was amazed to find many other mothers who also quietly admitted they too let their children sleep in their beds. One in particular is a friend who has her now five-year old son still sleeping in the bed with her and her husband. He is a sweet, smart, polite independent and very well-adjusted child. Getting to know my friend’s son went a long way in overcoming my worries that our nighttime routine would create problems for my son in the future. 

Co-sleeping is not for everyone. Please understand that it works best for my child and my family but for some it is not the right solution.  I also have friends whose children go to sleep at night in their own beds, sleep like angels and do not awaken until the following morning. 

When my son turned one, I made a half-hearted attempt to move him into his own bed but it just did not work for us. I still wonder when the day will come and how he and I for that matter will handle the change. For now, I am just enjoying the benefits of a good night’s sleep for both of us. 

One important note, if you do decide to have your infant sleep in your bed with you, please speak to your pediatrician about how to do it safely. The same precaution that you take in your child’s crib should also be taken in the family bed. Be careful that blankets, stuffed animals and pillows do not obstruct your baby’s ability to breathe. Also, never consider letting your infant sleep in a water bed. Make sure that once your baby starts to move around that they are safe and secure and in no danger of rolling out of bed. 

For more information about Dr. Sears, his studies and personal experiences with sleep-sharing, visit his website at www.askdrsears.com. 

Share your advice, tips and stories with me. I am always curious to hear from other parents. What nighttime routine works for your family? Do you also co-sleep? If you did and your child now sleeps in their own bed, how did you make the transition? If you tried it and it wasn’t for you – share that too!