The fate of the Phils

 

Good news for fans who have spent the past few days fretting over the postseason fate of the Fightin’ Phils: it turns out that the players have little to no impact over the outcome of the game. 

 

My husband, on the other hand, actually has the ability to control entire games single-handedly. In fact, feel free to blame him for Sunday night’s loss. It was entirely his fault, being that he wasn’t watching the game from his lucky spot, while wearing his lucky hat, eating his lucky snack, and thinking his positive, lucky thoughts. Don’t worry, though.  He was just about back on track for Monday’s game and he’ll be in full effect for tonight’s match-up as well. World Series, here we come!

 

For all you know, your husband may be harboring secret baseball mind-control powers, too. If you start to notice suspicious patterns in his behavior; like the fact that he insists on watching the game in the same gross undershirt that hasn’t been washed since he spilled spicy mustard on it three weeks ago when the Phils clinched their spot in the playoffs, or that he consistently refuses to move from his spot right smack in the middle of the couch until the seventh-inning stretch, then you too might be married to a Superfan. 

 

Should you find yourself in this situation, sports widows, my only advice is that you take care not to do a single thing that could disturb your spouse’s solemn Phillies rituals. One wrong move and you could be directly responsible for letting down the entire city. So go ahead and let him wear that dirty old shirt, eat as many pork-based snacks as he wants, and spend the entire week soaking up the luckiness of his best friend’s couch. The fate of the Phils depends on it.