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Cocktails 101: Choosing and Serving Tequila
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It's Tequila month here at the examiner and I've been trying to decide the best way to approach this interesting and controversial spirit. It's strong and distinctive flavor is often balanced with citrus juice to make the experience smoother and more pleasant. Or, cutting the bulls**t, cheap tequila tastes awful and needs to be covered up by the strongest tasting mixers possible. Let's be honest, some tequilas would be improved by adding antifreeze or peroxide (For the idiots out there, I am NOT advocating this combination, I'm joking). In my opinion, the strong, astringent taste of cheap tequila has created the upsetting proliferation of the neon green margarita that can be observed in many local watering holes (I won't name you, but you know who you are).
Fortunately, there are several tricks the home bartender can use to combat this regrettable trend.
1. Don't buy tequila in a plastic bottle: Sorry, but it if it costs less than bottled water, it's not going to go down easy. Typically, silver tequila is the cheapest and anejo (aged in oak barrels, dark color) and reposado (also aged, but distilled and blended to be lighter in color) are more expensive. As with all liquor, match your price point to the quantity you will be making and your crowd. Many people don't enjoy drinking anejo tequila in a snifter at a barbecue. When in doubt, buy a moderately priced ($16-20 per liter) 100% agave silver tequila. It works well with everything.
2. Use simple ingredients as mixers: I know it's easier to buy margarita mix at the grocery store, but just don't do it. It's expensive and it will give you heartburn. If you don't want to squeeze lemon, lime and grapefruit juice, keep high quality lemonade, limeade and grapefruit juice in your fridge. Tequila has such a strong flavor that you don't need to get crazy with lots of ingredients.
3. If you're going to do shots, pay more for your tequila: This is a no-brainer. Don't drink large quantities of bad alcohol quickly. You'll be sorry.
and finally,
4. Don't ever say "I ate the worm": It doesn't matter if you're explaining why you made out with a one-way sign, lost your pants and woke up in the store-room of a Baskin-Robbins or if you were in Mexico. Also, pretending to say this ironically doesn't work either. You might as well just wear one of those T-shirts that has a hot body drawn on the front accented with an "FBI : Female Body Inspector" hat.
Keep this tips in mind and I know you'll enjoy yourself. Tequila can be a difficult mistress, but treat her right and you'll reap sweet rewards.
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