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Standing up to bullies in Baltimore
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Bullies Ruin Lives. Photo by Glenda Otero
I had the chance to interview Alexandra Wolff, a Maryland student who was bullied when she was younger and wants to help other kids who are being victimized by bullies. If your child is being bullied or is a bully, don't fool yourself. Bullying is dangerous and it needs to be stopped now.
Q. What is bullying?
A. Bullying occurs when a person or group makes someone feel bad about him or herself. It can be physical or verbal. It's usually a repeated activity. Bullying can involve rumors and lies, gossip, exclusion, and threats.
Q. You've been bullied and have first hand experience. Can you share some of the ways being bullied affected you?
A. Being bullied made me feel different from the other kids. It made me lose my self-confidence and made me afraid to speak up in class or have an opinion. I didn't feel that school was a safe place and so I missed many days. I became very nervous and afraid, not only on school days, but on the weekend too. I know that I've missed out academically as well as socially, because even when I did go to school, I couldn't concentrate. I became so anxious that I ended up having to stay out of school for about a year and a half. I was placed on 'home and hospital', where teachers come to your house. I now go to a public school where they offer extra resources.
Q. People often brush off some types of bullying and tell kids that words can't hurt them or that it is a natural thing and they need to toughen up. Can you explain why this advice is harmful?
A. It's not good to tell kids that are bullied to toughen up! This makes the kids who are bullied think it's their fault! It puts the solution in their hands, and if they don't succeed, they feel more like a failure than ever! The victim should not have to solve the problem.
Alexandra Wolff was bullied by classmates.
Q. What should a kid who is being bullied do?
A. A kid who is bullied has to speak up! He or she should tell someone they trust, such as parents, trusted relatives, teachers and other school employees immediately! The bullied child and parents or guardian can put in a complaint at the school office and/or Board of Education. If any threats are involved, the police could even be alerted. Keep talking until you get help!
Q. How should parents deal with bullying situations?
A. Parents must take any complaints about bullying seriously. Also, they should pay attention to any big changes in their child's personality or activities. If a child starts wanting to stay home from school and becomes very anxious, the parent should find out why. Parents should go to school authorities and find out about any official steps they can take to end the bullying. Parents can also contact their local Board of Education. They should not stop until their children feel safe in school.
Q. What about teachers and administrators?
A. Teachers and administrators should never ignore bullying behavior. They should never regard the bullied kid as a 'square peg in a round hole' or someone who is responsible for being picked on. School employees should talk about the fact that bullying is wrong and be aware of harassment and intimidation. I had one terrific teacher in elementary school. He seated me in class so that he could always look out for me, and stopped any bullying behavior immediately. My other teachers did nothing about the bullying, even when my mom complained. Michael Phelps was bullied in school. One of his teachers told him that he'd never be able to focus on anything!!! (I hope she was watching the Olympics!)
Q. Will House Bill 199 stop bullies or do we need to do more?
A. I am hoping with all my heart that House Bill 199 will make a difference. This is an effort that is currently being worked on that will ideally educate the entire community. I do believe that teachers and school administrators need to be educated on how to define bullying behavior, and how to stop it in the classrooms, playgrounds, and lunchrooms. My one elementary school teacher knew how to identify and stop bullying; many teachers could learn a lesson from him. Bullying ruins lives and I believe that the media could help to spread this message and get out the word on House Bill 199. This bill will not end bullying, but hopefully it will make a difference, and more will be done to raise awareness of this issue.
Q. Is there anything else you think people should know about bullying?
A. It's important for people to know that it's not okay to stand by and watch bullying behavior. If you watch someone being bullying and don't do anything to stop it, you are guilty too! Lots of kids stood by and did nothing when I was being bullied. I blame them as well.
Speaking out against bullying has helped me to gain back self-confidence and to be able to speak in public.
If you'd like Alexandra or her mother to talk to your school, church, or organization about bullying, you can contact them by email at antwol5759 at aol dot com or by phone at (410) 465-5759 or (443) 572-1829.
For more info: House Bill 199
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