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Verbal abuse hurts
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Sticks and stones hurt us physically. Words hurt us emotionally.
Photo credit: Adrian Van Leen
More than once, I've heard a teacher make a comment to a student that was cringe inducing. I've heard parents putting down their children. (Who, not coincidentally, are the children who I had to talk to about saying nasty things to other children.) So many times, a child who tells an adult that another child said something hurtful gets, "Sticks and stones may hurt your bones, but words can never break you," as a response.
Wrong! Words hurt. Words shape children with serious self confidence problems. If you hear a child putting down other children or you hear a parent making derogatory comments to a child, don't just brush it off. Verbal abuse is a serious problem and should not be tolerated.
Discussing Verbal Abuse With Children
Read a book about a child who has been the target of someone who is verbally abusive and then discuss it. I read a wonderful children's book about verbal abuse the other day. Call Me Hope by Gretchen Olson is the story of a girl who has a very verbally abusive mother. While it is geared toward 4th and 5th graders, the 6th grade character does use some mild language when talking to another girl and she does face some tough situations, so I'd recommend reading it with your child and discussing what goes on as you read the story instead of having it be a read alone book that you discuss later on.
Another way to talk about verbal abuse is to simply jump right in. Repeat the old "Sticks and Stones" rhyme and find out if the kids think it is true. Ask them to give you a list of words that make them feel good and a list of words that make them feel bad. Talk about how important it is to use words that make other people feel good and model ways to tell people you are upset. For example, you could say, "Johnny, I feel upset when you don't do your homework." Create a list of situations and the wrong way to talk to someone about them and ask the kids to use your model to change the wording so that it is not abusive.
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