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Grandparent Time

My Papa Davidson was an amazing grandfather. I was very fortunate to have had so many summers, Spring Breaks and holidays with he and my Gramma. It’s funny how a memory can date so long ago but be so fresh. Not like it was yesterday, of course, but still so, so vivid.

 

I grew up an “Air Force brat,” so I wasn’t one of those kids whose grandfather picked them up after school or who hung out at soccer games on the weekends. My grandparents were often a continent apart from us, but in my mind, our relationship couldn’t have been closer.

 

My favorite memories with my Papa included waking before dawn to claim the best fishing hole, shopping for pies at the corner dairy, heading to Pic-n-Save for a few odds and ends, “tinkering” in his workshop (aka garage), watching TV until I heard the familiar sound of his snoring in the recliner, and best of all, being inspired by his music. 

 

My grandfather played several instruments, including the violin (or as he called it, the “fiddle”) and the mandolin. Because of my love for him, I picked up the violin at an early age, and he was so proud when I played for him, even if over the phone. Even from a distance, it was my “grampa time.”

 

Now, Baby Boomer grandparents come in all shapes, sizes, ages and career paths. The “typical” grandfather (or grandmother for that matter) isn’t a “blue-haired” old person who spends their time knitting socks or rocking on the front porch. In fact, many of today’s grandparents are still pre-retirement, in busy careers or second ones, and spending their free time and/or retirement traveling, golfing or even studying. They are busy, active and rightly so. The WWII-veteran era grandparents, who have had to penny pinch when hard-earned retirement and Social Security were insufficient to meet today’s cost-of-living expenses, have taught today’s grandparent a valuable lesson. That is, to work as long as possible and/or plan for the worst-case-scenario (i.e. no retirement, no Social Security and maybe no Medicare).

 

Furthermore, today’s financial expectations of grandparents sometimes clash with the emotional need for “grandparenting.” I humbly admit that I have personally weighted my expectations of today’s grandparent against my childhood experiences with my own grandparents: those fond moments with what appeared to be relatively carefree “old folks” to what we see now. It’s easy to forget that changing times have made it less possible for today’s seniors to “sit and knit” and more mandatory that they work to make a comfortable living. 

 

So, how do we as parents encourage “grandparent time” between our kids and our parents, while still maintaining a generous level of support to parents in their careers and busy lives? The simple answer is by taking today’s moments as they come and not by forcing past expectations on the present, by finding tradition in even one day per year, or by encouraging a shared interest between a grandparent and child, even if by email.

 

The truth is that our children have nothing with which to compare their relationship with their grandparents except to the relationship itself. One weekend in the summer boating with Papa can have just as much impact today as three-months at Gramma’s house did back then. Years are precious, and it is the quality of time, not the quantity, that really matters anyhow.

 

Photo courtesy of Amanda Elkins Photography