Tiger almost makes a Letterman appearance

October 2, 10:30 AMShowbiz Pets ExaminerLorraine Goodman

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Tiger in the 'green room'

Timing is everything, isn't it.
 

Early yesterday afternoon, October 1, I got a phone a desperate phone call from one of Tiger's agents. "Are you in New York?" "Yes." "Are you busy?" "Not terribly." "Can Tiger walk over to an actor, sit for a few moments, then come back?" "I think so."

Loud, raucous, distracting audience noise was not included in the equation until later.

When we got to the stage door, we were ushered into a small room right off the stage. I was handed a short script. "Sound effect: DOG BARKING. Dog enters. Dog sits." Lines spoken by the actor. "Dog exits."

Sounds easy enough.

One by one, backstage crew came by to meet 'the puppy.'  After a short wait, in walked "Jerry" -- a former staff writer for David, now retired, wearing a ridiculous wig. He was apparently playing Kim Jong-il, giving football predictions. Tiger was to be the "underdog."

We went out onstage and I let Tiger sniff about. The floor was cobalt blue -- and slick! I cursed myself for not cutting Tiger's nails.

We set up to rehearse. They put down a piece of tape for the actor. I pointed to the tape. "Go target!" Tiger ran over to the tape, touched it with his paw, then tried to dig it off the floor.

Maybe that's a little distracting, someone offered.

We removed the tape.

Jerry took the stage. We waited for the cue. Barking noises played over the speakers. I released Tiger and he ran over to the actor. Then he ran back to me. Then back out again. It didn't help that Jerry was concentrating on his lines and neglected to tell Tiger to sit, but that was remedied the second time around. This time -- YAH! Tiger hit his mark, sat on cue, waited for the scene to end, then trotted off stage just behind Jerry.

Now, all we had to do was wait. One of the crew came back just as the show was about to start taping and told us that David had gone out to warm up the crowd and asked, "So -- are you expecting a great show?" When they screamed back, "Yeah!" he responded, "Well, it may not be great. It will be interesting.... but it may not be great."
Five minutes later -- he dropped the bomb: he was being extorted for $2 million.

Silence reigned in the greenroom. One of the assistants turned to me. "We may have to cut your skit."

We stayed in the theater until shortly after 8:00 PM, waiting to be officially released. In the meantime, Tiger did get to kiss Woody Harrelson, and he met Larry David's manager.

But did he face a Letterman audience onstage at the Ed Sullivan Theater?

I am sorry to say, not this time.

Yeah. Show biz.