Mailbag: Answers to all your Giant questions, like will the moon bombing affect free agent signings?

November 3, 8:02 PMSan Francisco Giants ExaminerTheo Fightmaster

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Nothing has been pretty about Aaron Rowand's tenure in San Francisco.
Stephen Dunn, Getty Images

IT'S BEEN A FAIRLY interesting start to the Giants' off-season so far. They've already resigned Freddy Sanchez, cut ties with Noah Lowry, re-upped Brian Sabean and Bruce Buchy, and they hired a guy named Bam Bam to be their new hitting coach.

But the future is still uncertain for the San Francisco Giants:  I'll do my best to answer all of your questions in the mean time.

Kenneth: Who can the Giants acquire in the off season to put them over the hump? Any chance they buy out Renteria? Can Aaron Rowand get his batting stance surgically repaired?

TF: Aaron Rowand might be the most despised player by his own fan base not named Milton Bradley, and his contract may be the worst on this team. And the simple fact that this is even debatable says something when your on the same team as Barry Zito.

His stance? I don't know, maybe there just needs to be something that distracts us from it. Maybe a full body hair restoration procedure by Dr. Rosanelli?

No dice on Renteria – guaranteed contract and because it was only for two years I don’t believe any buy-out option was written into it. In fact, he’s due a raise in 2010 of about $1.5 million. I remember during the 2009 Media Open House the Giants talked about ‘going green’ and how the park was partially powered by solar and that the garlic fries stand was completely green. They were even going to have ushers collect recycling in the seventh inning. Apparently Sabean took the whole recycling program too seriously. Maybe the Giants can drive to Oregon and redeem Renteria for the CRV.

As for off-season acquisitions, they’ve re-signed Freddy Sanchez but I think someone of the Holliday/Bay/Adrian Gonzalez ilk is a must. Unfortunately the Giants are happy enough ‘competing’ and as long as 30,000 come out every night the payroll isn’t going over $90 million.

James: Will Barry Zito ever be worth the money they paid for him?

TF: No. Neither was Randy Johnson worth the $9 million in hindsight. Look at Andy Pettitte’s numbers at about half of the Big Unit's salary. However, Pettitte probably wouldn’t have considered the Giants unless the Yankees left him hanging, which obviously didn’t happen. Johnson was a sentimental signing. I also think Sabean was at the 1999 All-Star game and anyone who played in that game at Fenway is a shoe-in for a Giants' roster spot.

Rob: Will the "hotly rumored" (by myself) Buster Posey for BJ Upton trade happen this off-season?

TF: A bold move calling your self created potential trade ‘hotly rumored' but I like your style. There is no way the Giants trade Posey unless Albert Pujols or Joe Mauer is involved.

I like Upton (maybe I like Justin a little better), but a deal would have to involve Longoria (Evan or Eva, p.s. is Tony Parker the jealous type?), and perhaps another Giant, to be worth it for San Francisco. Behind Posey there is really no catching prospect in the system and very few promising position players above Single-A.

Daniel: How many pounds will panda lose this off season? I don't think he will last too many 162's if he stays the way he is.

TF: He’s 23 so I don’t think the weight will hamper him real soon, but I would be happy to see him lose about 20 to 30 pounds. Maybe I’ll do the same. We can use Ryan Howard as our inspiration, write a cookbook together, go on a country wide book signing and visit all the late night shows to pitch it. We’ll even go on Late Night With Jimmy Fallon. Is that still on? If it is we'll try to make ourselves at home by laughing at our own jokes before the punchline.

Joe: Can the players/fans come up with some more, great exotic animal/cartoon character nicknames for players?

TF: Obviously you’re speaking of the aforementioned Kung Fu Panda but it will be tough for lightning to strike twice. Zito gets credit for the Panda moniker but I’m not sure if there is another budding star/blockbuster movie to inspire him. But we can take a few cracks at it.

Jonathan Sanchez kind of reminds me of Capt. Jack Sparrow without the eyeliner, and Freddy Sanchez might be the grown up human version of Calvin of Calvin and Hobbes fame. Travis Ishikawa's calm yet intense appearance and graceful defensive play isn't too dissimilar from an Orca whale, so, Shamoo? How about Eugenio Velez as Otorongo? Though I think Henry Schulman was calling him the Pharaoh for a while, which I liked, but it didn't seem to catch on as well as Count Chocula. For the record the Count and Velez look nothing alike.

James: If the Dodgers add a No. 1 starter to their rotation in the off season, is there any real chance of the Giants winning the West ever again?

TF: Um, the Giants have about three No. 1 starters, so if they add a bat do the Dodgers have a chance of winning the West ever again?

The Dodgers are a very good, young team and they do need to add some pitching. I say lock up Vicente Padilla long-term (I'm certain he's the real deal). It's possible that the window closes on the Dodgers after 2010 when Manny and Torre leave. It’s also going to be interesting to watch how the McCourt’s pending divorce plays out.

Jason: Will Merkin Valdez take time out from being untalented to work on a secondary pitch? Hell, I’d take a primary pitch that doesn’t get smashed out of the park in walk-off situations.

TF: Thanks to one of those walk off hits we now have the word Spilborghed — which can be used in any situation where you completely, unexpectedly get kicked in the groin.

Spilborgh — noun. 1. of or pertaining to a gut wrenching loss while participating in a competition; 'We got Spilborghed when the Falcons kicked that field goal to cover last Monday night.”
Synonyms — screwed, hosed, effed, bamboozled, spieziod, blind-sided.

But finally the Giants got a full season out of Valdez. It’s something they have been waiting for since they traded Russ Ortiz for him in 2002! Things were going well for a while with Merkin but he really struggled in the second half. In 9.2 innings in May (his second highest total of any month last season) Valdez had a 0.93 ERA. After that his season was like watching a Wendy Williams marathon. In June his ERA was 5.40, in July and August it was 6.43 then 11.81 in September.

He’s not yet 30 and he can still throw the Spilborgh out of the fastball. In other words there’s still some hope for him.

Jeremy: Did the Giants wait until after NASA bombed the moon to sign Freddy Sanchez in case the reverberations somehow injured him?

TF: I think that was their plan all along. Sabes is big in doing ‘his due diligence’ and this is yet another example of the organization’s ‘prudence.’ Now he’ll have to find another way to ‘skin a cat’ and perhaps he can ‘dovetail’ that into a situation that allows them to ‘identify ways to improve our offensive production and on base percentage and to create a more consistent one-through-five line up.’

That last quoted portion was a direct pull from his season ending letter to season ticket holders. The good news to be gleaned from that is apparently the 6, 7 and 8 holes in the lineup are already taken care of.

By the way, it appears that this poor video blogger thought we actually blew up the moon, as in destroyed it. Try to hang in for until 2:07, where, despite the tough day she's endured, she seems to find solace in the fact that the weekend is around the corner.

Ryan: Will the Giants hire a hitting coach who will make a difference? (Question was submitted prior the Giants announcement of Hensley Meulens)

TF: Can you name A hitting coach who makes a difference? The Giants offense was not a result of Carney Lansford. Believe it our not, Lansford wasn't encouraging Renteria, Rowand and Molina to swing at every pitch, and he didn't tell Fred Lewis and Travis Ishikawa to take as many called third strikes as possible.

The Yankees and Phillies are in the World Sereis right now because of their lineups, not because of their hitting coaches. Can you tell me who the Yankees hitting coach is? I'd imagine Lansford or Hensley 'Bam Bam' Meulens would both have a team with Tiexiera, A-Rod, Jeter, Cano, Posada, and Damon on the verge of a championship. In other words it's not the director, it's the cast.

Besides, what's not to like about a hitting coach named Bam Bam?

Erin: If Tim Gunn were in the Giants front office what would he tell Brian Sabean?

TF: I'm fascinated by this question: do you think I know Tim Gunn or that I'm a religious follower of Project Runway?

It might go something like this:

Gunn: “Brian, if you had pockets, you were associated with a labor force. It meant you had things to carry yourself. Otherwise, your lady's maid or your manservant would have done it for you. So I ask you, Brian, what's in your pockets?”

Sabean: "I have pitching in my pockets?"

Gunn: “You do, you absolutely do. Now make it work.”

B-Rad: Did Jonathan Sanchez turn a corner last season or will he continue to be inconsistent?

TF: I was going to jump on you for a self given nickname but since your question was reasonable I'll let it slide. To me, the answer is yes. Sanchez is 26 now and has logged over 400 big-league innings, so I'm hesitant to say he's yet to reach his ceiling, but his flashes of dominance are very impressive.

In 17 starts after July first, Sanchez pitched 94.5 innings with an ERA of 3.42, a WHIP of 1.12, and over the entire season opponents hit just .221 against him.

His 'stuff' has never been questioned, and it sure looks like the pot is starting to simmer on his big league career. But with the Giants depth of pitching the important question to ask regarding Sanchez is — what can the Giants get in return if they trade him?

My friend Vince Tannura and I were talking about 'Sanchey-I' (Authors note: I presume Bochy now calls Freddy Sanchez 'Sanchey II'). Vince was in the trade 'Sanchey I' corner and I was opposed. Then he asked 'do you see him ever being a No. 1 starter?'

No. He may have spurts of brilliance that remind you of Tim Lincecum, but I'm not sure he'll ever have the steady consistency of Matt Cain. Still it would be really, really hard to trade him for someone like Mark DeRosa or A.J. Pierzynski. But A.J. might be a good one-year solution at the catcher position, and I bet the White Sox would make a trade for a package of young, unproven pitchers.

Heather: Will they ever fix the Coca-cola slide so people don't keep breaking their legs?

TF: This question baffled me at first: I've been down that slide and can't envision people injuring themselves on it in any way that would be the slide's fault.

But then, thanks to this new-fangled Google machine, I learned the story of Chad Mello. Apparently Mello broke his ankle and shattered his knee cap when the rubber sole of his shoe stuck to the metal slide. According to the report there have been 16 similar documented injuries, and one woman successfully sued the Giants and Coke for $177,000.

You can watch the video here (which is worth doing if for nothing else than to hear the reporter say 'tubular slide').

It's not exactly a how-to video and you probably already get the formula — go down slide, win lawsuit, take a vacation.

Barney: What do you do with Bengie Molina? It's not like Posey looked ready during his September call-up?

TF: We agree on Posey — he did not look like the chosen one in September. But I'll blame some of that on the Giants calling him up Sept. 2 and having to wait nine days for his first at bat. Then he didn't really play until the last ten days of the season when he strung together just four starts. So we're going on an extremely small sample size of basically four games. In other words, to soon to cry bust. Still I don't think the Giants saw enough to feel completely comfortable about handing him the everyday job.

Bengie is coming off of one of his best seasons at the plate, and offensively productive catchers tend to be a commodity on the free-agent market — plus, at 35 this is probably his last shot at a multi-year deal.

But these would be the circumstances under which I would bring Bengie back:

— One-year deal, or a two year deal with the explicit understanding that Molina's not the everyday catcher.
— The Giants sign a clean up hitter that allows Bengie to bat fifth or lower (he can't be the clean up hitter, there's no other team in baseball where Big Money hits fourth).
— The next time the Giants are in Milwaukee Bill Neukom acts as Bengie's own personal cross walk guard to usher him to the plate, safe from oncoming sausages. (Why is there no video of this? If you find it please pass it along).