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Chance of a Ghost
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AYATOLLAH
In Iran this week, the Ayatollah Ahmed Jannati said of the British, "Your idiocy and stupidity are really limitless." He must have been watching a marathon of BBC situation comedies on PBS. I know the feeling.
OBAMA
President Barack Obama said last week that Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin has "one foot in the old ways of doing business and one foot in the new." Joe Biden said, "That's why I always keep both of my feet in my mouth. That way I know right where they are at all times."
LET'S MAKE A DEAL
They'll be filming a new version of the classic TV game show, "Let's Make A Deal" in Hollywood. This one's called "Let's Screw a Car Dealership," and it's hosted by Barack Obama.
TWITTER
Twitter is being considered as a nominee for the Nobel Peace Prize because it was the world's only source of information when Iran shut down communications during the recent government crackdown on peaceful protesters during the election crisis. The suggestion was made by the late Jeff Goldblum, George Clooney, Matt Damon and Harrison Ford.
OBAMA IN RUSSIA
President Barack Obama was in Russia Tuesday, meeting with Prime Minister Vladimir Putin. This week, Putin threw a pen at a factory owner and ordered him to sign paperwork that would force the rehiring of factory workers the man had fired. President Barack Obama mocked Putin saying, "You think you're a hotshot? How many car companies do you own, big guy?"
ADD, OBAMA IN RUSSIA
President Barack Obama had an extremely productive meeting with Russian President Dmitri Medvedev on Monday that lasted an hour and a half, much longer than expected. Obama didn't look into Medvedev's eyes and see his soul, but Medvedev looked at Obama and said he thought he smelled soul food.
DEAD DEF SEC
The Defense Secretary who was the chief architect of the Vietnam War, Robert S. McNamara, has died at 93. Believe it or not, Mcnamara’s given middle name was “Strange.” What a coincidence! I thought Michael Jackson’s middle name was “Strange.”
MICHAEL’S BACK
Word is Michael Jackson’s ghost has been seen wandering around Neverland Ranch at night. And you thought Michael Jackson couldn’t get any whiter!
ADD, MICHAEL’S BACK
Great! Michael Jackson can walk through walls now. I bet that will keep those three Billy Elliot’s up late!
ADD, MICHAEL’S BACK
Now that Michael Jackson is a ghost wandering the nights, they’re developing Garlic-Garanimals and OshKosh B’Gosh Wolfsbane-series jammies.
ANDERSON COOPER
Anderson Cooper says that “for some odd reason,” when he was 10-years-old, he “went to Studio 54 with Michael Jackson.” What’s odd about that? It fits in with everything we know about Michael Jackson and Anderson Cooper. Anderson didn’t finish the story, but I’m guessing he had his first cocktail and lost his virginity at 10-years-old inside Studio 54…
GAMESHOW
There's new gameshow on Turkish television that pits rabbis, imams, monks and priests against each other in an attempt to convert sworn atheists to their respective religions. The name of the gameshow? "You Bet Your Eternal Life." If you say the secret word the Holy Ghost flies down and gives you a hundred dollars!
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