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Patti Blagojevich, the wife of disgraced former Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich, ate a tarantula on an episode of NBC's, "I'm A Celebrity...Get Me Out of Here." She married one...why not eat one?
According to her spokesperson, Mariah Carey has gained 15 pounds while recording her new album, "eating everything and anything she wants." I'm not going to make a joke here. After getting into so much trouble over those Kelly Clarkson lines, from now on I'm always supporting whatever choice a woman wants to make with her body.
Mariah Carey's spokesperson did add that while Mariah is "eating everything and anything she wants," so far...that hasn't included any tarantulas...
Angelina Jolie has passed Oprah Winfrey as the most powerful celebrity in the world. And to what does Angelina credit her newfound power? She switched from getting collagen injections in her lips to getting them in her child-bearing hips.
Robert Blake and O.J. Simpson have a theory as to why Phil Spector was convicted of murdering his date, Lana Clarkson. Blake and Simpson said, "If you want to get away with murder, you have to marry the girl, and then kill her."
A legendary product that sprang from the movie-making industry in Hollywood, Max Factor makeup, is going out of business in the United States. My wife uses the products. She wears lip gloss by Max Factor. She wears eyeliner by Max Factor. She wears foundation by Max Factor. Do you know what she looks like? Max Factor.
A tornado hit a movie theater in an Aurora, Colorado, shopping mall on Sunday. Today, President Obama declared the theater, and the movie, "Land of the Lost," disaster areas.
On his Friday radio show, Rush Limbaugh criticized Barack Obama's visit to the Buchenwald Nazi Death Camp, saying he was "ripping" Germany for "something they did 60 years ago." Of all the disgusting things Rush Limbaugh has said, trivializing the Holocaust has to be the worst. I'm beginning to regret the day Rush was born. You know...something that happened 345 pounds ago...
Governor Mitch Daniels says Indianan's who voted for Barack Obama last November are regretting it now and that it was more of a "fashion statement." Of course, there are a lot of people who think voting twice for George Bush and Dick Cheney was more of an Old Fashioned with a beer back and hit of crack on the side statement.
Indiana Governor Mitch Daniels says people got hung up on the historic nature of Barack Obama's Presidential campaign, and voted for him as a "fashion statement." Gov. Daniels seems to be making his own fashion statement. White robes, pointy hoods... and heated crosses...
British Prime Minister Gordon had an embarrassing flub at the D-Day commemoration Saturday when he referred to Omaha Beach as "Obama Beach." Brown should have known it wasn't Obama Beach. The President had his shirt on.
A single, unemployed 23-year-old, South Dakota, cowboy, Neal Wanless, has won the $230 million powerball lottery. Today, Bernie Madoff said, "Neal...I can't quit you." I guess this is "Not Broke-Back Mountain."
Facebook is now the most popular site to meet someone on-line. Number one used to be Craigslist, but getting on there got to be murder.
Poor Susan Boyle... In just a few weeks, she went from being an unknown, unemployed homebody to a besieged, troubled Superstar and then to an insane asylum. She was a Lazy Susan. Now she's a Crazy Susan...
Judge Sonia Sotomayor is in hot water with conservatives because she was part of a three-judge panel who unanimously upheld a lower court's decision that kept a white, dyslexic fireman from getting a job promotion. The guy is appealing the verdict citing 'esrever' racism.
Talking about the U.S./Israeli relationship on ABC's "This Week with George Stephanopoulos," Hillary Clinton said "the bonds we have are unshakeable and durable," but that there must be "a stop to settlements." Bill Clinton said, "Hey! That's a lot like our marriage. Our wedding bonds are unshakeable and durable, and against all odds, there's been no divorce settlement."
Speaking of the U.S./Iranian relationship, Hillary Clinton told George Stephanopoulos, "I think there's an enormous amount of potential for change..." Yup, the same thing she said about Bill when she married him. And remember how that turned out...
Michelle Obama can't complain, the past two weeks the President has taken her on dates to Broadway in New York and the Eiffel Tower in Paris. To keep my better half happy, tonight I'm pouring her Schlitz Malt Liquor in a glass. A clean glass!
McDonald's sales rose 5.1 percent because of the slumping economy. In a related story, Ford's Volvo division says they're coming out with a new vehicle called the Big Mack Truck. It comes with cheese, four-on-the-floor, and David Hasselhoff is down there too... eating a Big Mac.
McDonald's is reporting that in spite of the bad economy, their global sales were up 5.1 percent. In a related story, Chrysler says that instead of a new car smell, all 2010 Dodges will have a "We just changed the French fry grease" smell.
McDonald's global sales are skyrocketing. The CEO credits the increased business to President Obama buying everybody burgers on your tax dollars.
According to a new book about Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton and Obama had a tense moment on an airport Tarmac during the presidential campaign when both their private planes were parked close together, and Hillary called Obama over to apologize about an aide who'd brought up Obama's past drug use in the press. However, that's not how Hillary remembers the tarmac incident. She says she had to run with her head down to avoid gunfire from Robert Gibbs and Rahm Emanuel.
Did you know that NBC Nightly News anchor is a former White House intern? Funny...you'd think it was Keith Olbermann and Chris Matthews who'd be most likely to be found underneath the Oval Office desk...
A spokesperson for Air France says they now believe the wreckage of the flight that crashed last Sunday is in dark, murky, treacherous, waters as much as four miles deep. I'm sorry. That's what RNC chairman Michael Steele said about the Republican Party. My bad.
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