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Buh Bye Michael
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OBAMA
President Obama is in Moscow visiting with Russian leaders. The last time Obama met with the Russians was on April 1st. Looking at U.S. unemployment numbers, it's now clear who the fool turned out to be.
PORTLAND
I met up with my family in Portland, and went camping at the beach at the gorgeous Cape Lookout last week. At the corner of S.E. 162nd Street and Powell in Portland, Oregon, the "Adopt-A-Highway" sign reads "Flashback Floozies Keep it Clean." Don't the Flashback Floozies mean "Adopt-A-Ho-way?"
MICHAEL
I guess at Michael Jackson's funeral today, one burning question will finally be answered...Can six ten-year-old boys carry a casket?
ADD, MICHAEL
What am I thinking? When the guy inside weighs 125 pounds, of course six ten-year-old boys can carry a casket! And...They’ll be naked. Michael Jackson is posthumously invoking his Second Amendment right to bare pallbearers.
LIMBAUGH
Rush Limbaugh says he finds it interesting that Michael Jackson, "flourished under Reagan...languished under Clinton/Bush, and died under Obama." You know what I find interesting? That OxyContin abuser Michael Jackson died at 125 pounds, the exact same weight as OxyContin abuser Rush Limbaugh's left butt-cheek.
SARAH
Here’s my thought on Sarah Palin. If you can’t take the heat, get out of the kitchen. And if you can’t take the heat…and you live in Alaska, then get out and never come back. Sarah, Go to hell. Go directly to hell. Do not pass Go, do not collect $200,000 in clothing stipends.
ADD, SARAH
Some pundits are calling Sarah Palin’s resignation “career suicide.” Actually, it just looked like that because Tina Fey was circling over the press conference in a helicopter with a hunting rifle.
ADD, SARAH
This is just my opinion of course, but I’m glad to see Sarah Palin go. She was born on third base…and acted like she’d hit a grand slam, game winning home run. Sarah Palin was a Hail Mary sphincter yanked out of a desperate John McCain’s rear end, and she acted like she deserved to be an actual vice presidential candidate, and therefore, also the president. Sarah didn’t enter the national stage as much as she was defecated upon it. I don’t like being defecated on, do you? Good riddance!
ARMS RACE
A retail protein product named "Hardcore Energize Bullet" is being recalled after a knife blade was discovered in a container of the energy and weight-lifter's body-building supplement. The USDA made the pronouncement, but the NRA is protesting the recall saying it violates both their Second Amendment right to bear arms, and their right to bare really buff arms.
CHIMPS PARTY
An entire colony of 30 chimpanzees escaped from their outdoor enclosure at the Chester Zoo in Cheshire, England, on Sunday, forcing the evacuation of several thousand visitors as the chimps danced around and held an impromptu blowout. Apparently, after hearing from "Bubbles" that their Earthly overlord, Michael Jackson had died, the chimps decided to throw a party.
ADD, CHIMPS PARTY
Wow, a bunch of primitive apes throwing a wild blowout. It looked like the Fox News Christmas party.
LAST WEEK
Last week, while I was on vacation, I listened to baseball game on the radio in which the Baltimore Orioles, down 10 to 1, scored five in the bottom of the seventh, and five in the bottom of the eighth to come back from the dead, and beat Boston 11-10. I guess what I'm saying is don't be too hasty. Michael Jackson still has a small chance.
PETER KING
Republican New York Congressman Peter King said last week that Michael Jackson was a "lowlife," a "pervert" and a "pedophile." Interestingly, during the Mark Foley mess, when it became clear that the Republican Speaker Dennis Hastert knew about Foley's indiscretions and did nothing, Peter King refused to take any action against Hastert. So Peter King is a lowlife, pervert and pedophile-enabler. What a big Peter he turned out to be!
THE LEFT
A lot of far-left Democrats say Barack Obama is acting too much like a Republican, especially concerning his failure to hold torture investigations. In fact, they're accusing him of "Terrorizing around with Palinists."
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