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The top ten greatest (and suckiest) things about “Twilight” the movie - #9
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Photo: Summit Entertainment
When I was counting down the days until “Breaking Dawn” was released like NASA’s control tower, I would periodically wander past the Target book section wistfully. Feeling a bit like Bella in “New Moon” I thought I was hallucinating when, a week early, I spotted a teenage emo kid unloading boxes of “Breaking Dawn” onto the new release shelf. I gasped and ducked into the DVD section. Was I mistaken? Did I have the wrong release date? I checked the numbers tattooed on my arm. Nope, he was definitely early.
Acting as casually as I could be, since I was foaming at the mouth, I pretended to look half-interested as I took a copy then sauntered down the aisle glancing at the other mundane titles as I went. As soon as I cleared the corner, I bolted as subtly as one possibly can. I grabbed a few random odds and ends, trying to distract the cashier and as she rung them all up I could feel my heart pounding. She reached for “Breaking Dawn” and didn’t even flinch. Whew! Clearly she wasn’t a fan. She rang it up and tossed it aside. As I reached for it, I heard a beep and she said “Uh oh.” No! No! I held the book and acted as if she were crazy. (Not an easy feat to do when I was so obviously insane) She explained that Target would get into legal trouble if they sold the book early, and so, dejectedly I surrendered it. I watched with failure in my eyes as someone ran to the kid unpacking the boxes and yelled at him. He began tossing them into the box like they were live grenades about to explode.
As I walked to the parking lot with my pack of gum and my three-pack of lint rollers, I was literally saying out loud, “You idiot! You moron! Why didn’t you go hide in the furniture aisle and read the damn thing!”
They took it out of my hands! Right out of my hands! (And yeah, I liked “Breaking Dawn”. Gasp! Can you deal with that?)
Number #9 Suckiest – Changing it from Bella’s point of view.
The thing that kept “Twilight” the book grounded was that seeing the story through Bella’s eyes made it believable. It was smart to tell it in first person, because then we feel like it’s happening to us. It allows for the wall to break down, and earns Stephenie Meyer a lot of tolerance for mistakes because we are so swept up.
Which is something Catherine and Co. completely ruined for the movie.
First of all, what the f%$# was with the new, poorly written scenes that aren’t from Bella’s point of view? “Twilight” the book followed Bella for a reason; we’re along with Bella for the ride. We experience what she experiences; we can only know what she knows. When the nomadic vampires show up in the book, we know nothing about them… and it’s that fact that adds to the fearful mystery of what they are capable of, what they plan to do. We haven’t gotten the chance to size them up yet… we’re immediately running away and reacting off of Edward’s horrified face. To add Charlie’s friend Wayland only because you want to have a scene in which he’s murdered by the bad vampires… only to make that scene so cheesy and ridiculous that it’s insulting, ugh!
No, you don’t get a pat on the back for making it relevant by adding another useless scene of Bella and Edward stopping by the police station. What are you doing? That was so completely unnecessary, and you are wasting valuable time. You know, add that reaction to every scene that isn’t involving Bella. We do not care about the random security guard getting killed at some plant by the vampires. Not to mention, I don’t remember them being stupid enough to murder someone in such an obvious way, in a place where there are security cameras, which we can assume they have, since they have f%$#ing security guards in the first place! Argh! (Whew, I’m getting agitated all over again.)
Why in the world did they have Victoria at the prom? The first time I saw the movie, I was distracted because they began playing Radiohead's "15 Step" over the credits and I was thrilled… however upon viewing it again I actually rocked in annoyance like a straight-jacketed crazy person. Alice and Edward would have known instantly if she were there. The smell, Alice’s vision, Edward mind-reading the crowd… hello? It’s too conflicting with what we know of the characters. Why would she be there anyway? Apparently she’s up for killing people out in the open, so why wouldn’t she have just lurked in the girl’s bathroom waiting for Bella to drink too much punch? Come on! You are insulting us here. Did you even read the damn book, Melissa? Catherine?
Let’s add to this list, Charlie and the cops finding the bare human footprint as they search for… wait, what are they searching for exactly? The cops are under the impression that animals are attacking; they bring the dogs to follow the scent… so when they find a bare human footprint they should disregard it. But Charlie being so interested in it opens up a whole new level to an investigation that never even took place to begin with. Wouldn’t they think there’s a serial killer on the loose? Impose a curfew?
Also, having Bella sitting in the hotel with Jasper and Alice, worrying about Edward and how the chase was going… that was tense. Seeing them running through the woods was kind of cool, but again, unnecessary. Plus, now we know how they’re doing and we’re not worried like Bella is. We lose that connection with her as a character because we are now superior; we have more knowledge that she does.
Number #9 Greatest – Keeping the heart and soul of Charlie and Renee
Okay, switching gears… my PMS was taking me to new heights with that one.
I was happy to see the interactions between Bella with her mother, Renee and Bella with her father, Charlie. They were all very accurate to the characters, and well played by Billy Burke and Sarah Clarke. Granted, their scenes weren’t how they were in the book, but the heart of the characters was still very much there. I loved the scene where Charlie is cleaning his gun, Bella comes by to tell him that Edward wants to meet him, so Charlie takes the gun and cocks it with one hand. Haha, priceless! Also, the shot of Edward sitting across from Charlie as they wait for Bella to emerge on prom night, perfect. No dialogue needed, just icy stares and glares. Fantastic.
Renee saying that she lost her phone charger, Renee asking rapidly if Bella is using protection, I loved it! It was great to see her in the video at the ballet studio; it was good to see her every time she called in to check on Bella. Granted, I wished they’d done more emailing back and forth because when Bella is devastated in New Moon they’re going to miss that… but I can let that one go. Movies are visual and they need that. I am so appreciative that they did not turn Bella’s parents into the enemy. Into a “Parents Just Don’t Understand” stereotype garbage that is so often seen in teen movies. The scene where Bella hurts Charlie as she’s leaving, I really felt that. That poor man is still in love with Renee and now he’s watching his daughter leave him for the exact same reason Renee did… and it shows. Good job, team.
Link to "Top Ten Greatest and Suckiest Things About "Twilight" the Movie - Number 10: www.examiner.com/x-10163-Denver-Creative-Arts-Examiner~y2009m6d8-The-top-ten-greatest-and-suckiest-things-about-Twilight-the-movie
Link to "Top Ten Greatest and Suckiest Things About "Twilight" the Movie - Numbers 8&7: www.examiner.com/x-10163-Denver-Creative-Arts-Examiner~y2009m6d30-The-top-ten-greatest-and-suckiest-things-about-Twilight-the-movie--8--7
Link to "Top Ten Greatest and Suckiest Things About "Twilight" the Movie - Number 6,5,4,3,2,1: www.examiner.com/x-10163-Denver-Creative-Arts-Examiner~y2009m7d1-The-top-ten-greatest-and-suckiest-things-about-Twilight-the-movie--654321
Apologies for the huge gap in time, I was trying to take my time. I read the book again and watched the movie a few more times just to make sure I had it all down. I’ll keep this one going in a timely manner, don’t you worry. Thanks so much for reading! Here’s hoping for a fantastic “New Moon!”
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