Hungry for good health care?
Have you ever been disappointed with a restaurant meal? Maybe the restaurant didn’t live up to its reputation or you had to wait too long or you didn’t realize that you were yearning for that special dish until you didn’t find it on the menu. Maybe you don’t want to be seen as a high-maintenance restaurant patron like Meg Ryan's character in When Harry Met Sally. She told the waiter exactly what she wanted, including her salad with dressing on the side.
Have you ever had the same disappointment at the end of a doctor visit? Maybe you thought the doctor would take more time, be more forthcoming with a diagnosis, or order tests that would reveal the true problem. Were you too polite and just accepted what you were “served”? Were you afraid to ask for what you really wanted?
After a lifetime of being nice, many people don’t know what they really want.
I asked a friend, who recently lost her husband, where she wanted to go for dinner, and she said, “I don’t know. My husband always chose.” I suggested a new Japanese restaurant. She crinkled her nose and said timidly, “I don’t really like Japanese.” After a moment of thought she said, “You know, my husband didn’t like Japanese. I don’t know if I like it or not!”
If she believes that a polite person does not state a restaurant preference, imagine how she acts once she’s at the doctor’s office. At a restaurant or in a doctor’s office, disappointment is triggered by a mismatch between the experience you expected and the experience you got. Sometimes the first clue that you want or expect something is when you don’t get it and feel the balloon burst.
The best way to leave the doctor’s office satisfied is by starting at the end and working backward. What would you need to get during your office visit to leave as a happy, satisfied customer?
Let’s look at the “menu.”
Patients order off the doctor’s menu. The polite patient answers the doctor’s questions, undergoes the recommended procedures, and takes the medication as prescribed. Many patients see requesting an explanation in English or inquiring about a medication change to avoid side effects or asking their own questions as placing a special order. If they understand what the doctor says, it’s fine; however, asking for clarification or even asking a related question is seen as asking for dressing in the side. It’s just not polite.
Further, sometimes patients want something that’s not on the health care menu. When I talk with unhappy patients, I often ask, “What would you have needed to leave the doctor’s office satisfied?” Here are some of the things I’ve heard:
“Let me tell my story my way.” Storytelling is certainly on the doctor’s menu, but it’s in the appetizer section. Doctors often let patients speak for just seconds before they direct the conversation to efficiently gather information that leads to the main course of a diagnosis and treatment. Sometimes when you go to the doctor, telling the story is the main course; it’s the purpose of your visit. The well-hidden secret is the therapeutic healing power in being heard and seen and touched.
“Give me a diagnosis. Tell me what’s causing my symptoms, instead of telling me it’s all in my head.” There is something satisfying in getting a diagnosis. It’s as if the doctor acknowledges, “Your pain is real.” Patients with the autoimmune disorder lupus suffer with their symptoms on average 21 months before a doctor arrives at the diagnosis. Imagine their frustration.
“Answer my questions.” Many patients go to the doctor with a specific question they want answered, like “How do we know it’s not cancer?” They hope that the doctor will offer a spontaneous answer so they won’t have to ask the question.
“Help me make a tough choice.”
“See me as a person, not as a collection of organs.”
“Remind me I am not alone in my suffering.” All of us can tolerate pain. Pain that cannot be understood or managed leads to suffering. Suffering in silence, as well as suffering in isolation, is unbearable.
“Make the pain go away NOW!” There’s the eternal fantasy that the doctor will pull out the magic wand. This is like the fantasy about the calorie-free dense chocolate torte.
Most patients order off the doctor’s menu, hoping luck is on their side and they’ll get what they want.
When we were children, learning medical manners—the way that doctors and patients interact—we were told that it’s not polite to speak up. The possibility of getting what we really want is so remote that we learned to just accept what was served to us. A lack of awareness of what you really want may be the biggest barrier that stands between you and the health care that you’re hungry for.
That’s where disappointment can help you. Instead of just feeling dissatisfied and unhappy, use this experience to find out what’s missing. Identifying what you want is the first step to leaving as a satisfied customer.
Discriminating health care consumers can get the experience they want. It may not be on the menu right now, but as more and more patients ask for what they want, I promise you doctors will be serving up these gourmet meals. They key is knowing what you want, selecting the place you want to get it and being bold enough to ask—politely.
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