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A mother's heart debating whether or not to homeschool
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For me, the debate about whether or not to homeschool has not been a public one, rather it's been a debate of the heart. Each of my five children has a different temperament, different learning style, different personality. And, over the course of the past 18 years, I have had one or all of my children either at home with me homeschooling, in a charter school, in the traditional public school, or in an online cyber charter school. Face value, this may seem like I keep flip flopping from educational choice to educational choice, but when you have five children as different as each of mine are, it's not flip flopping at all. Continuity is important to me. Most of my children have only experienced one or two of the options I mentioned. My first son, though, tried every educational option as he matured and his priorities shifted. We have always included our children in the educational choices we have made for them. While this may not work for every family, this has worked for us.
Deciding to homeschool the first time around was an easy decision to make. We lived in Center City and we did not want our son to attend a public school. Private school was not an option due to financial concerns. And, besides those concerns, our son showed signs of extreme intelligence and creativity from a young age. With those virtues also came a very strong will and disposition to being classified as ADD. Our son, while capable of concentrating on one activity for several hours if it held his interest, was also very fidgety. Therefore, we began our homeschooling adventure formally in 1994, although I tend to think all parents teach their children from infancy as part of parenting.
As my son grew older, his ADD-like qualities lessened. At the same time, it was apparent over the years that our personalities clashed. What I learned from homeschooling him is that during the middle school years he craved a structured schedule and more social opportunities. Even though he took part in sports, church activities, and a homeschool co-op, he didn't have as many friends as he would like. While wanting more friends would never be enough of a reason for me to change how I educated my son, that reason combined with his desire to have a more structured schedule and to compete academically and artistically with his peers provided more than enough reasons. By this point, we had moved from the city into the suburbs. For 5th grade, we decided to try an online school called Einstein Academy. At the time, online charter schools were brand new in Pennsylvania and we both agreed that a year in an online school would help him get used to having more than one or two teachers. Einstein Academy turned out to be a disaster. The school fell prey to poor decisions made by it's founders and closed after only two or three years in business.
For 6th-8th grade, my son attended the local public school. Although I mourned the loss of having my son to myself, the first year and a half was wonderful for him. He responded well to having a more structured schedule and learned how to manage his time. His grades were excellent and he was able to find many friends with interests similar to his own. During the middle of 8th grade, both my son's teachers and I noticed a change in my son. He was no longer happy. As it turns out, he was being teased by his friends at school. Yes, I said his friends. These were boys that he went to church with, that hung out at our house on weekends, etc. While the teasing wasn't meant to be malicious, it was enough to make my son's grades drop and cause him to be severly depressed. Also at this time, my son had already figured out that he didn't have to study or do homework to get a passing grade. He did the bare minimum. Along with his depression, he also was going through a tumultuous time at home in regard to his relationship with his Dad and me. This is where some readers might blame what happened on public school but the teasing could have happened whether or not he was homeschooled and his strong will was a character quality he was born with. Clashing with his Dad and me was not something that started during his time in public school. With that said, he did fall into the wrong crowd at school after the teasing incident. He'd probably disagree with me in this regard, but I can only speak from what I observed. There are many ifs and buts and whys so much so that I cannot blame one single thing on why things were as hard as they were at that point. I truly feel that every educational choice has positives and negative aspects associated with it which is why I feel it is necessary to be very in tune with each specific child and to be flexible and willing to think outside the box.
The lesson my son learned about doing the bare minimum to pass definitely revealed a negative aspect of public school. In a class of 25 students, it is easy for shoddy work to be accepted as passing, unlike in homeschooling where all of the attention is on the student. This kind of lesson is a life lesson, though, that can be applied to the corporate world, the self-employed world, parenting, etc. One can always do the bare minimum to get by if not under scrutiny, but one can also choose to take that extra step and do better. Some people never take that extra step, some people do.
After his stint in the local public school, my son returned home for a year to recoup. He explored all sorts of interests such a playing guitar, writing poetry, studying Japanese culture and writing music. In tenth grade, he decided to return to the local highschool because he thought he wanted that kind of atmosphere again, but he soon realized that he was bored and that better educational choices existed for what he was passionate about: art and music. I located a public hybrid charter school for him in which he was able to complete all of his academic work online while attending the charter school's brick and mortar performing and creative arts center for two full days per week. For the first time over the course of his entire academic career, we had found a place other than home where he could thrive. He attended PA Leadership Charter School for his last two years of school and graduated this past June with high grades and a sense of accomplishment.
Please stay tuned for part two, where I will discuss my journey to homeschooling my second son.
Read my other article about the homeschool debate in regard to state law here.
Or, read about homeschooling and creativity here.
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