Getting kids up and out the door in the morning without being late to work is a challenge many working moms (and dads) face, no matter how old their children are. Kids dawdle and tempers flare while parents struggle to ready their children for daycare or school.
One Detroit area mom confessed to screaming when her two children were young. Something always seemed to go wrong. Either one of her kids couldn't dress quickly enough, or another refused to eat Cheerios, hampering her ability to prepare them for daycare and get to work on time. By the time she got to her desk, she felt guilty for losing her temper and acting like such a "bad mom."
When my own daughter reached adolescence, her snail's like pace at getting out of bed and ready for school fueled my impatience, resulting in a regrettable scream-fest of our own. Slinking into my cubicle well after an 8:00 am start time, I felt bad about the morning's events. It wasn't until our son told us about a school assignment that I realized it was time to change the way we behaved.
Required to write a tall-tale, an exaggerated version of a real life situation, he had entertained his 4th grade classmates with a Jerry Springer-like version of our morning routine. Yep, in front of the whole class. There was a lot of yelling and screaming and "shut-ups" in his tale, but at least he didn't portray us as a chair-throwing family. Oh, the humility of having our morning friction exposed.
So how can we get our mornings off to a more peaceful start?
1. Remind yourself you aren't alone. Factor in a long commute, one or more drop-offs on the way to work, and you have a recipe for parents who arrive late to work. Most parents responsible for getting the kids off in the morning struggle with a strict got-to-be-there time. If your work environment allows, flex your work hours to accommodate this issue. Agree to start and end your work day later, work through lunch, or catch up on projects at home.
2. Keep in mind that kids' developmental schedules are not always going to be in sync with your work schedule. And that's just the way it is. Is it worth it to battle it out every morning? Probably not, especially if one of your kids rats you out in front of the whole school. Find a way to make peace with that. Once your behavior improves, so likely will your child's.
3. Time and patience resolve a lot of issues. Children who struggle with their clothes eventually learn to dress themselves at a reasonable pace. Kids who don't like breakfast cereal sooner or later find something else they like to eat. And the young adolescent who had a hard time getting out of bed is now a mature, responsible 16-year-old who drives herself (and her 14-year-old tale-telling brother) to school every day. Yep, she's on time.
Comments
Very well put Pam. Thanks for making us working moms feel normal! I work from home, but have to be back here for phone conferences, etc. I feel lucky that I can do it in sweats. Hats off to those of you whom have to do all of this AND be on time in an office, dressed up nonetheless!
We start early here. I wake the kids up two hours before we have to leave and we use the time we have to get everything done. It means early bed times but that gives me time for reading each day.
Your ideas tend to shetler the kids. Make them part of what is going on and part of gettign it done, then when you have them on your team it is much easier to get your family team in gear and accomplish great things.
Kids in the situations above are not being taught basic life skills and the parents regret is not even sad to read about.
It is a sad trend in America right now for parents to raise shelter children who function like babies. If America parents are determined to raise adults and not grown up babies these "it's not my fault" parenting drama's have to stop.
Attention shared with the teen girl the night before could end the slow drag in the morning. Parenting means thinking years ahead of the children.
Sorry my version does not agree with yours.
Thanks Lariena for your comments. The point I was trying to make though was development played a part in my daughter's slow start in the morning. Once I accepted that, I was able to improve my behavior (by not reacting so impatiently) and thus, over time, she improved hers. I agree with you that parenting means thinking years ahead of the children. But it also means having the kind of patience that allows them to mature and become responsible adults. And role-modeling the type of behavior you want them to emulate. For our family, that has sometimes meant one step forward, two steps back. But we're getting there...it's an interesting journey.
We worked with a parent coach because it was so unpleasant around here in the morning, and we have very early buses 7:15 am, and it was like a knock-down drag out with screaming, very unfun.
Now we have a whole system -- turn on lights, turn on radio, turn on heat...rub and pat...at breakfast time radio goes off. If they're on time there's syrup on those waffles and sticker rewards for being pleasant and dressing oneself. If not they end up with a piece of dry toast to eat while they walk to the bus. Been working like a charm. Mornings are actually my favorite part of the day now! Usually very pleasant.
Good ideas, Carol! Now someone will read that and see there are ways to change the morning routine for the better. Thanks.
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