One of the greatest gifts we have been given is that of relationships. Knowing we don’t have to go it alone in this world is a wonderful comfort. Occasionally, though, those we are “going it” with will let us down. And when this happens, we have a choice to make—pardon or punish.
As people, we have a strong desire for vindication. We want all wrongs to be righted, all injustices rectified, and we often take this responsibility upon ourselves. It is so easy to hold a grudge, but I assure you, as time passes, it will be the grudge that holds you. It is absolutely necessary for your health and the health of all your relationships (this includes your relationship with yourself) that you choose pardon. It does not matter the seriousness of the offense against you, or whether the person who caused you hurt asks for forgiveness, you still must forgive.
It is a terrible misconception that holding on to your anger allows you to have the upper hand. There is no power in unforgivingness save the power you allow the situation to have over you. If you choose to hold fast to your grudge, you will end up bringing all that anger, hurt, bitterness, and sadness into all your other relationships, and it will make forming new relationships extremely difficult. “When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free” (Catherine Ponder).
Forgiveness does not mean that you condone the other person’s actions; it means only that you forgive him/her in spite of them. Forgiveness does not mean that you have to continue a relationship with the person who has hurt you; you may never speak to him/her again. And forgiveness does not mean you have to forget; in truth, you may never forget the hurt caused you and you don’t have to.
Forgiving is a process—it begins the moment you decide to forgive, and it continues every time you remember the hurt and decide again to forgive. It is not done for anyone else but you because if you are at war with others you can’t be at peace with yourself. So do yourself, and your other relationships a favor, and begin the process of healing…begin forgiving.
Comments
To forgive is to tolerate, to forgate is to be dead in the grave. Learn to tolerate and forge ahead.
Very good article and so true! Just think if everyone in the world did this. Loved it so much I'm gonna facebook it...
True words spoken very articulately. You've challenged us to grow as people; I only hope that when the time comes, I can meet your challenge.
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