Wedding industry flailing as recession kicks its bridal behind

                Here's your kopek--don't spend it all in one place.
                 (photo by woody1778a/Creative Commons license)

Some of you may remember this exchange from the opening number of “Fiddler on the Roof” (music by Jerry Bock, lyrics by Sheldon Harnick, and book by Joseph Stein):

Nahum: Alms for the poor, alms for the poor.

Lazar: Here, Reb Nahum, is one kopek.

Nahum: One kopek? Last week you gave me two kopeks.

Lazar: I had a bad week.

Nahum: So if you had a bad week, why should I suffer?

The wedding industry isn’t just having a bad week, it’s reeling from precipitous declines in wedding spending, pretty much across the board.  The numbers vary depending on who’s publishing them, but everyone--including The Knot, one of the biggest gods in the wedding media pantheon--has had to admit that bad times are here to stay.

But not bad for everyone: business is booming for discount wedding retailers like David’s Bridal, whose downmaket rayon confections are forcing bridal salons who offer finer fabrics to close all over the country.  Even the large warehouse stores are selling wedding gear and services, drastically undercutting the wedding sector the same way they snookered other retail sectors in the past.  In fact, David’s Bridal is continuing to expand while the rest of the market contracts, as independent vendors seek ways to stay afloat until the economy recovers.

In the interest of keeping its hold on readers in a budget-conscious market, The Knot (along with a zillion other wedding outlets) is publishing articles targeted at the bargain-seeking bride--those downscaling their plans and/or undertaking their weddings on a DIY basis.  But now-ubiquitous media recommendations like “don’t buy a cake from an independent baker” and “use an iPod instead of a DJ” are putting knots in some advertisers’ knickers.  Why? Because many are bakers and DJs, and this advice undermines their businesses--especially when it's printed by the very publications they are paying big bucks to help them attract customers.

That’s just one of the intra-industry snits over money and recession marketing--it gets worse. 

As wedding vendors and businesses struggle to survive, gloves are off as businesses fight and clutch for clients in a shrinking market.  The video of the now-infamous-in-the-industry “Dump the DJ” television interview with Jenny Lefcourt (co-founder of the Wedding Channel, whom you think would know better) is not just hamhanded, but painful to watch whether you’re a wedding pro or not. The stinking hypocrisy of Ms. Lefcourt as she clumsily touts her new photography enterprise Bella Pictures at the expense of every other wedding vendor on the planet leaps off the little screen like ichor from a 3-D horror movie.  Talk about a hideous picture worth a thousand vomitous words!  Sadly, many people won’t recognize the hidden agenda in this kind of “soft marketing” sequence, egregious as it is (or the other infomercial-like “pay to play” coverage which makes up the bulk of most wedding programming.)

The rebuttal video from the American Disc Jockey Association’s “The Truth About iPod Weddings” isn’t much better and certainly no less self-interested--overly long and cloying to boot, and in an unintended, ironic subversion of its own message, the video opens with the camera lingering on an unmanned church organ.  Hey, didn’t the advent of DJs and their pre-recorded programs put thousands of live musicians out of work?

But the bickering won’t stop with "Dump The DJ"--it's likely things are going to get worse for independent wedding vendors before they get better.  And as a wedding provider who is also hurting in this “downturn”--the euphemistic understatement of the century--I feel the ADJA's pain, but only to a point.  Because there are two things missing in this bandying within the industry and its “why should I suffer with just one kopek?” mentality: 1) compassion, and 2) responsibility for being part of the problem.

Hey Wedding Industry!  How about some compassion for the brides and grooms who don’t have any, like, freaking funds for health insurance or child care or a mortgage (or rent), and all those who have lost jobs and all their savings (if they had any in the first place?)  With all this going on, you think people are supposed to feel guilty for using their own iPods to play music?  Have you seen foreclosure rates lately, have you heard about Chrysler and all those bank failures?  Get a grip...it's not all about you.

And yes, Wedding Industry, you need to face up to your responsibility in all this: with relentless decades-long fantasy-based marketing campaigns that caused couples to grievously overspend for so many years, with ruthless manipulative advertising and price-gouging designed to deprive families of their dollars for decades, can you really complain because brides are just as ruthlessly slashing your needless commercial fantasies from their budgets?  Wedding Industry, you bought and paid for your image as a purveyor of “luxury” and “elegance," and insisted that overspending was the only way to achieve your golden standard; now that luxury is out and simplicity/frugality are in, you should stop complaining, suck it up, and start reinventing yourself, quick.

True wedding professionals--those who understand the profundity of what weddings are and refrain from exploiting others--come from an ethic of service, not profit-motive.  This concept was completely lost by the wedding industry, o so many years ago.  Obviously one can profit from doing wedding work, but careful attention must be paid to how one makes one’s money to ensure one doesn't take advantage in the name of love and union. 

That sometimes means suffering a financial hit when your client base is suffering; that means rather than whining that bridal clients should hire you at the expense of their financial health, you should get busy finding ways to serve your client and community and help everyone get through these tough times.

Love and integrity should be the priority of everyone involved with a wedding.  We’re all worried about paying the bills, but that’s no excuse to work someone over because it’s “just business.”  The "wedding business" is not like other businesses.  It requires an ethical duty of care to be done right.  Anyone who thinks weddings are just a job should probably seek work elsewhere--in this brutal climate, you wouldn't last long anyway.

As for you, reputedly recession-proof Wedding Industry--it may be that your gouging days are over.  As our economy continues to decline and DIY-wedding trends face off with mainstream wedding marketers, one thing is clear: we’ll all have to learn how to get by on just one kopek for a while.  (I’d hire a real live fiddler for the rooftop reception though, instead of a DJ--sweeter sound, deeper meaning, and those woofers will really bring the house down.)

Until next time, a sweet and long life to you all.

National Wedding and Marriage Examiner Elizabeth Oakes welcomes your feedback at weddingexaminer@gmail.com; you can easily share this story or subscribe by clicking on the buttons at the top of this column, or read more of Elizabeth's stories by clicking here.

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