This is not the way to make new friends. Be nice!
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The "omnivore" evidence *taken from the Vegetarian Resource Group*
In honor of National Etiquette Week (May 11-15), I thought I’d share my thoughts on Vegan etiquette, from a recent veganism convert. “Veg-etiquette” can sometimes be straining, as conflicts often lead to discussing animal rights and meat-eating, which is always a sticky subject. We all need a reminder sometimes that respect for others is what makes the world go around, and although we have our differences, everyone deserves respect and to be treated with proper etiquette. Hopefully the people around you will respond in kind.
For omnivores:
- When talking to a friend who is vegan, please refrain from opening the conversation with something relating to his vegan lifestyle. Being vegan is not the all-encompassing facet of his personality, and he would probably rather discuss his weekend than talk about the latest news in the tofu industry.
- At a gathering: don’t apologize for not making vegan food if you had no idea! It’s not your job to worry about what vegans eat if they don’t make it a point to tell you ahead of time and ask that you include vegan food. You don’t have to research it, and its ok to ask questions! Don’t feel bad; it just makes your vegan friend feel singled out even more. When in mixed company, serve food that is just as mixed. A little meat for the omnivores and a variety of savory vegan dishes that compliment so that everyone has something. However, consider that a huge turkey leg feast might be a bit tough for a vegan to handle being around.
- Don’t put the decision of what or where to eat all on the vegan party. Vegans don’t like being told, “Well, you’re the one that it will be hard to find something to eat for. You choose the restaurant.” Chances are there is something veganiz-able at most any place you go. So please, you choose the restaurant if you’d like! Just not the steakhouse where the motto is “No vegetables allowed”.
- Every vegan is different! Just ask how they feel about there being meat and animal products at the same table. Communication is key from both sides.
- It may make sense to you, but stray as much as possible from the “Humans are omnivores” talk. Someone who has decided not to eat meat or dairy probably did not make that decision based on their beliefs about human biological history. It can be great fun to have a discussion about why someone made these decisions, but it is better not to come at it from such an angle. Be curious and inquisitive, not assuming.
For vegans:
- You don’t need to apologize either! When at a restaurant, simply state your needs and if they cannot be met, compromise and order something else. Don’t push the issue too hard. Telling a waitress “You all are insensitive for not having any vegan options on the menu!” is just unreasonable. As vegans, we have set ourselves up for occasional sacrifices and we are definitely scrappy enough to scrounge up some food we can eat, even at a steak restaurant in the middle of the Colorado prairie. This can happen often, and we must learn the ways of survival. But maybe not quite Bear Grylls-style; he will eat anything that’s not made out of rocks.
- On the same note – remember the P’s and Q’s people are always talking about? A little smile and a “please” can go a long way.
- Order last when in a group. The waiter will invariable have to double check on some ingredients for you, so while they are back there, let them just hand in the rest of the party’s order. Then, without making your friends wait to order, the waiter can sneak back and let you know subtly and personally that everything on that veggie burger plate is in fact, vegan.
- Don’t preach- ever. Unless you have a degree in Vegan Nutrition and are in front of a group of vegan wannabes, or you are an ordained minister.
- When it comes to children, parents’ rules always trump your own beliefs. If you watch other people’s kids, perhaps suggest to them that it makes you a bit queasy to be cooking meat, and ask if you can make them a vegetarian meal when you are the care-giver.
- Cook food that is “normal”. Sometimes the texture of seitan is not tolerated well by those who are not used to it. If they want to try it, then by all means serve it up, but don’t force it.
For more info: Hug a Vegetarian Day: September 25, 2009, according to peta2. If you're already veg: hug an omnivore. Please! Thank you!
Comments
Great points and entertaining! :-)
Sara - interesting, fun and specific take on this topic - there's some insight here for non-vegans to respect other diets, too.
I appreciate some of the points you have made here, and hope navigating this touchy subject can be a little easier. However, there seems to be a pretty strong vegan bias in some of the suggestions. Number 3, for instance, says the burden of choice of restaurant should not be placed on the person with a restricted diet, and this just doesn't make sense. As an omnivore with no food allergies, etc., I actually CAN eat anywhere, including vegan restaurants. If I am dining with a vegan and must choose where, now I have to worry about whether there will be anything at the restaurant the person will be able to eat. This is compounded by the fact that just because someone is a vegan, does not mean they do not also have idiosyncratic food preferences as well. I know a surprising number of vegans who dislike most vegetables, for example. I don't want to have to try to enjoy my meal while someone else reluctantly picks at a plain baked potato. Just pick the restaurant, vegans, or at least offer up a few suggestions to choose from. Your friends don't want you to be hungry!
You missed one really important point in the "for Vegans" section - don't slam those that choose to eat meat or dairy. Its our choice and we shouldn't have to be on the defensive for what we need to eat or choose to eat. If someone wants to become vegan, using sound science and not the scare tactics as I've seen pushed on people in many Care 2 articles (not every animal production unit has bad animal production practices) is the way to do it. I've been slammed a lot by Vegans in the blogs. I've been to bad production facilities and I've been to good ones. I am a scientist involved in treating water and waste water so I've been to many production facilties and few are as bad as the ones that are put down as the norm.
I also personally have no choice in being an omnivore. I am allergic to most legumes, i.e. peanuts, soy, and all beans, as well as 90% of grains. Try to get the right protein mix being a vegan by excluding those. Sorry, but you can't.
Great list of etiquette rules, for both vegans and omnis! Thanks for this! Will spread far and wide!
Glad you wrote this piece, Sara! My husband and I are both vegans, and these sorts of articles help to take some of the mystery out of veganism for people less familiar with the lifestyle.
On the choosing the restaurant item, we personally are happy when our omnivore friends and family offer to let us choose the location, as it makes us feel very welcomed at the affair, as we know people are then going out of their way to make us feel comfortable. But like you said, it's all in the communication - they are positive and say, "Why don't you choose?", and they don't make us feel badly by putting a negative spin on why they want us to make the decision.
Omnivore friends: ask away! My husband and I love it when people ask us questions out of curiosity, and we never ever expect people to cater to our diets. Yes, it makes us extremely happy when someone asks if they can make us something special at a gathering, but we never expect it, nor are we offended if there's not something for us to eat. We in fact, always have some "backup" options in the car or in my purse to eat, in case we're somewhere that doesn't have vegan food available.
Don't forget that you shouldn't eat baby corn. Wait till the corn has time to become a full fledged ear. Candy Corn is OK, though.
rh- thanks so much for your comments. I agree that I have bias; its hard to write without one, as a vegan. As vegans, we are so grateful for the care our friends give us in making sure we're not hungry. But it is our own responsibility, and all I'm trying to say is that we don't like being singled out. Who does? And like Melissa said, its all about the communication, just discuss beforehand whether the restaurants in question will have enough food you will all enjoy.
Kathleen - I'm very sorry that you can't eat legumes, that must be so hard! Even harder than being lactose intolerant! And the part about not slamming people who eat meat or dairy- I meant that to be included in the "Don't Preach" aspect. No one is claiming that all facilities use bad practices. I suggest finding a vegan friend and asking if they will explain why they became vegan; there are a multitude of reasons, it is different for every individual. I hope you're not offended by my article; that was not the point, for sure.
It is wrong to eat meat. What have these fury creatures done to you? We should all embrace the wild and run free with our animal friends at our side. Nature is the best high next to having a meat bonefire and leaves me with such a yearning for meatless sandwhiches.
Awesome post! Everyone tries to make me pick the restaurant all the time. Bad idea, I'll eat anything! I'm the type who wants Ethiopian or Nepali; my friends are the pizza and Perkin's types. So there is a greater probability they will pick something I like, rather than the other way around. I have never once gone to a restaurant and not been able to eat anything! So thanks for the concern, but REALLY, you guys should pick.
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