On the down low: Getting rid of Ugly Americans in Asia

In Singapore, I met a woman and her young son in the lobby of my hotel. The child was so sweet 1 couldn't help but touch his little head in an affectionate gesture.

The mother was horrified.

She backed away, pulling her child with her.

I was horrified even though I had no idea what I had done wrong. The concierge was watching this little tableau and came up to me right after the incident.

"I'm sure you didn't mean to, but you just committed a major faux pas," he said to me.

Then he explained that traditional Singaporeans do not like to be touched on the top of the head as that is where they believe their spirit lives.

Lesson learned, I ran after my new friends to apologize. I told the boy's mother that I didn't know what I was doing would have such an adverse effect. I also told her I would never do anything like that again, at least not in Singapore.

I was forgiven.

Since then I have learned a lot about proper Asian etiquette, having lived in the region for three years in the early 1990s. One gesture that came in handy almost everywhere I went over there concerns the proper way to get someone to join you, a practice very different from the way we beckon to someone over here. In fact, calling to someone by raising your hand, then taking your index finger and wiggling it toward you is considered rude in places like China, Japan, South Korea and the Philippines. There, the right thing to do if you want to get someone to come to your side is to put your arm out, your palm down and then make scratching motions with your fingers.

That said, here are some rules that should help you understand how to mind your P's and Q's through certain gestures in an array of Asian countries.

China: Don't be surprised if you are applauded when entering a room. This is a form of greeting that should be reciprocated. During your visit to China, remember to keep your hands to yourself. It is not a good idea to touch, hug or slap a Chinese colleague on the back when you first meet, as most men and women from this country don't relish being touched by a stranger. In friendship, people of the same sex often hold hands. Don't point with your index finger but with your open hand.

India: While dining at an Indian table, even if you are left-handed, you should always use your right hand to accept and pass food. Likewise, when you hand money to an Indian. To express remorse or honesty, simply grasp your ear in earnest a la Carol Burnett. Avoid giving a side-to-side wave which often means "hello" in the West. In India this can be interpreted as "go away" or "no." In public, don't whistle a tune no matter how happy you are. Doing so is frowned upon.

Indonesia: Before entering into any conversation, even one that takes place on the street, remove your hat and sunglasses. If an Indonesian colleague pats you on the shoulder, it is a sign of approval. In Indonesia, the left hand is considered unclean. Do not give anything with your left hand. Do not eat with it, do not shake hands with it and do not point with it. If you are invited to an Indonesian home, remove your shoes before entering any carpeted area of the house.

Japan: When referring to themselves, Japanese people point to their noses. Handshakes are de rigueur, but don't squeeze hard; instead, offer a limp hand. If someone responds to a compliment by waving a hand with the palm out in front of the face, don't be offended; this person is just being modestly polite by visually objecting to the courtesy offered. Never scribble on the back of a Japanese person's business card. This shows an extreme lack of respect.

South Korea: Handshakes are not common except between men. Women sometimes shake both hands or simply give a slight nod in another person's direction. In general, touching is taboo so don't backslap, hug or tap a South Korean on the shoulder. Korean women tend to cover their mouths when they laugh. If you sense the need to blow your nose, go directly to the nearest restroom. Doing this deed in public is considered gauche. If you are in a bathroom stall and someone knocks on the door, knock back to indicate that the stall is in use. When giving gifts, do not give four of anything as that number signifies bad luck.

Malaysia: It is obscene to smack a clenched fist into your other hand. To show anger, a person will stand with his or her hands either in the pockets or hands on the hips. Be sure not to litter. This crime tends to carry harsh penalties in Malaysia where even an apple core or a cigarette butt can cause much trouble. If you're going to give a gift during your stay, hand it over with your right hand. Using your left hand will be considered impolite by any member of the Malay population, whether that person be of Chinese, Malay or Indian background. Conversely, if someone gives you a present, don't open it immediately. It's considered crass.

The Philippines: Unlike in most other Asian countries, touching another person is often an acceptable sign of friendship. Consider a hug almost as commonplace as a handshake and don't be surprised if two people of the same sex hold hands. Raise your hand, fingers pressed together, school-room style, to get a waiter's attention. To indicate two of something, raise your ring and little fingers.

Thailand: A typical greeting, called the wai, is done by placing the hands together in a prayer-like pose. Then the head is nodded in a slight bow. This means "hello," "goodbye" and "thank you" in Thai. The higher the hands are placed, the more the respect you are showing, but don't raise them higher than eye level. Throwing an object at or to another person is considered rude. Never snap your fingers to get someone's attention, and don't pat anyone on the back.

Vietnam: The head is considered the most spiritual part of the body so don't pat anyone's noggin in an endearing fashion. Always use both hands when passing anything to anyone else.

Syndicated columnist Jane E. Lasky is the author of eight books and has written for Esquire, Vogue, Travel & Leisure and Metropolitan Home. She holds a B.S. from Syracuse University's Newhouse School of Public Communications.