Gather around now, children, and I will tell you the true but tragic tale of Gertrude the Christmas Goat.
Gertrude won the hearts of northern Minnesotan's and Wisconsinites recently when she escaped from her owner, thereby avoiding a Christmas slaughter, only to be recaptured and sent to the gleaming knives of the butcher.
Our sad tale begins on Craigslist. It is there that one Mr. Olawale Famule spotted an ad selling a goat for fifty bucks. Famule is a University of Wisconsin professor, and a native of Nigeria, where it is traditional to slaughter and eat a goat for Christmas, much like Americans roast a turkey or pork out on a nice juicy ham, which is a hunk of meat cut from a dead pig.
Famule laid down his $50, the goat was delivered to his home. He tied the critter to a table in his garage. Perhaps sensing its unhappy Christmas destiny, the goat pulled loose from her bondage, and escaped to roamfree on the grounds of the Superior Waste Water Treatment Plant.
The goat was then nabbed Superior Animal Control agents, who evinced an instant fondness for the gamy goat, and dubbed her "Gertrude." The public caught whiff of the story and immediately began projecting their outrage that this brave billy (well, not really a billy) should have to end up as Christmas dinner, rather than serve perhaps as a character in a live Nativity Scene somewhere.
The Douglas County Humane Society received numerous calls from kind-hearted souls who plead for the pardon of Gertrude, and begged for a Christmas release.
Even Superior City Attorney Frog Prell was pressed by local citizens to step in and grant Gertrude a stay of execution. I mean, if an attorney named "Frog" can't spring a goat named Gertrude, then true Holiday magic must itself have taken a holiday, right?
At any rate, old Frog Prell said his legal hands were as tightly bound as the shackles around Gertrude's neck. He said there is no law against slaughtering the fatted calf -- or in this case the corpulent Capricorn --and that people should strive to be less ethnocentric and more understanding of the culture of others.
And so, Gertrude was returned to Mr. Famule, he sent her to a Twin Cities meat processor, where Gertrude will succumb to slaughter, creating a fabulous feast for the Famule family!
God bless us all, everyone! And Merry Christmas!
CLICK HERE FOR STORY OF TRUE FAIRY ENCOUNTER IN NORTHERN MINNESOTA
Comments
I enjoyed this story very much. I found the beginning on Blogger Party that sent me here to read the rest of the story. Well done! Thanks!
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