Have you cleared out the cobwebs of former loves and heartbreaks? Do you forgive yourself for every mistake you have made, let go of every time that things just didn’t turn out the way you wanted them to? Have you gotten your ducks in a row yet? Are you really ready for love? It’s easy to say you’re ready, but when you’re alone and looking yourself in the mirror, what is the truth? Have you let go of all the baggage from former relationships? Have you thrown away your script that you tell people about your past relationships? Hopefully the answer is yes to all of the above. If not, you may need to give yourself more time to get ready for love.
A sure fact is the following: Your new love interest is most likely looking to be a part of your future; they are not going put you on the witness stand like a lawyer, finding out exactly how and why all of your former relationships didn’t work out. So stop telling that sad story you’ve got. It’s time to put it down and open up to new stories, new relationships, new joys, new love.
Think back, don’t you remember that person in your dating past, we all have one, who just went on and on about how hurt, betrayed, sad, depressed they were because of the long list of things that several someone’s did to them? Remember how each and every additional graphic detail made you cringe inside? It made you lose a little bit of respect for them; you may have pitied them that they allowed themselves to be treated that way. Now flip the role back, and ask yourself how people view you after you’ve spilled your guts, and told your entire story? Maybe you need to change it. Take some of your power back by rewriting it. The facts may not change, but you sure as heck can rewrite your own story to make yourself viewed as a confident, optimistic winner at the end of it.
Who said you had to tell it all? Especially in the beginning of a relationship, you’ve got to pace yourself. Do they really need to know how your ex-husband ran off with the babysitter after 4 years of agony, with all the gory details before your third date? Make them stick around long enough to find out the: who, what, where, how and why you’re guarded with your heart. Full disclosure is for court cases, not your love life. While it’s wise to find out all you can about someone else, you should be careful how much you tell too soon.
Much like texting with our phones, we’ve got to learn how to abbreviate our relationship stories. Something like: “I’ve had 5 major relationships in my life. Learned a lot about what I will and will not accept in a committed relationship. I made some mistakes, so I changed my priorities and found out what I need to make me truly happy. I’m looking for someone to share my life with now.” Wasn’t that easy? No gory details to make them run out before dessert, or before you can plan a second date. Keep it breezy. That’s so much more powerful and you still hold the cards.
You can still be mysterious and reveal bits at a time. Make them work for it. Once someone has passed your tests, and they’ve stuck around for a while, there will come a day when you have to get real. They may reveal something that deeply affected them, something that just shredded their heart. That’s the time to open up and reveal your deepest hurt. Letting the man go first allows him to open up when he’s really “into” you. Why tell all your business if “He’s just not that into you”? If he is honestly sharing with you, that is the beginning of establishing trust. Taking strolls with someone, going out places, not just for drinks all the time is a great way to open up to each other. http://www.philadelphiazoo.org/zoo/Visit-The-Zoo/What-s-New/Free-Flight-Bird-Show-Debuts-at-Zoo.htm
You will never regret being careful with who you lay your heart out to. Much like women are guarded about who they open up their closets and show the shoes that they love to, telling you the back-story for the pairs, we as humans, have to eventually lay out our hearts and tell the back-story to someone we trust. Trust is the key word. If you don’t feel safe to reveal some things, then you shouldn’t. If you are truly aware of all the emotions you’ve experienced, then maybe you’re ready to open yourself up to experiencing new ones. Make sure you’ve got your story straight. Then go write a new and better one with an ending you really like, one where you are ready for love.
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