Remember when beauty pageants were silly contests where baton twirling was considered a talent and “make everybody holds hands” was considered a legitimate answer to the question “how would you achieve world peace”?
Probably not.
“Pageant: The Musical” recalls those times in a politically incorrect spoof of beauty competitions that runs at the 14th Street Playhouse until October 24. To drive the point home about how beauty contests objectify and demean women, the contestants are played by men in drag.
Each of them represents a contestant stereotype and region of the country.
There is Miss Deep South the southern “belle” from Valdosta, Ga. and Miss Bible Belt the sassy African American hellbent on spreading the gospel everywhere. Miss Industrial Northeast is the Puerto Rican with a thick accent from New York City while Miss Great Plains is the frump from the midwest who bears a strong resemblance to John Travolta in “Hairspray.” Miss Texas is brash and overly confident to Miss West Coast’s reincarnation believing space cadet.
The five “beauties” compete for the title Miss Glamouresse. (The contest is of course sponsored by the fictious and slightly toxic Glamouresse beauty company.) Smarmy emcee Frankie Cavalier hosts the proceedings with musical accompaniment provided by a small band gifted at playing elevator music.
“Pageant’s” appeal is how silly, corny and over the top it is.Take the talent competition. In it, Miss Industrial Northeast glides on roller skates while playing an accordion. Miss Bible Belt whips out a tambourine and speaks in tongues during her number and Miss Deep South brings out the puppets to sing the praises of Dixie.
It’s Miss Texas who steals the show though. “She” twirls batons masterfully and does it while tap dancing! In the spokesmodel part of the pageant, “she” delivers her ridiculous lipstick ad with punch. Miss Texas represents the overly confident, "rhymes with witch" contestant pageant watchers love to hate but would totally vote for.
Too bad for “her.” Like a real pageant, this one has “celebrity” judges - audience members randomly selected at each performance - that emcee Cavalier provides a fictitious backstory for. The judges score the contestants so each night the winner is different.
At times “Pageant: The Musical” gets bogged down in it’s real-time mocking of beauty contests. The lyrics and banter are witty to be sure. But watching all contestants perform a talent, do a spokesmodel ad, model evening wear, sashay in ridiculous bathing outfits and answer the make or break “question” gets tedious after a while. The many campy musical numbers also cause the show to drag.
But it’s fun overall and appropriate for all ages. Just remember to bring some beauty pageant contestant endurance to enjoy it all.
Show information:
WHERE: 14th Street Playhouse, 173 14th Street N.E. Atlanta, Ga, 404-733-4750
WHEN: Wednesday - Fridays, 8 p.m ; Saturdays, 5 p.m. & 8 p.m.; Sundays 2:30 p.m . & 7 p.m.
TICKETS: $32
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