Tips for parents of mid-adolescents
Don’t take it personally. Your teenager is going to blow you off. Your teenager is going to make fun of you. Your teenager is not going to want to participate in family gatherings. Your teenager is going to tune you out 99% of the time. That’s his job. Your job is to not take it personally.
Set clear boundaries and stick to them. As with young adolescence, while teens this age do not want to admit it, they do need and want structure and boundaries. Predictability is paramount for teenagers to feel safe. Keep the boundaries clear and firm, no matter how hard you teenager pushes against them. He’s only testing the strength of the walls to make sure they’re firm.
Along with boundaries, establish or reestablish rules. Remember to give your teenager as much control over this process as possible. Too much control from parents will create severe rebellion in teens. Get your teens input on consequences to not following the rules. Consequences mean much more to teenagers when they’ve had some say in establishing them.
If your teen messes up, give her another chance. She’s human just like the rest of us. We deserve a second chance and so does your teen.
Support your mid-adolescent in school. Talk with your teen about his studies and what he is interested in. Help him choose classes that fit his interests. Encourage him to explore AP courses if he qualifies. Offer to help with studying or projects if your teen wants it.
Continue talking with your teenager about peer pressure. Find ways to help your teenager open up. You can read some suggestions here.
Know the signs of eating disorders and talk with your teen about her eating habits. Notice her friend’s eating habits as well. Eating disorders tend to be “catching” – when one girl has one, other girls think it’s cool and may develop the same or similar behaviors. Talk with your daughter (and your son in some cases) about eating disorders and the grave danger people put themselves in when they have them.
Be supportive with issues of sexuality. If your teenager comes to you and tells you he is gay, accept him. Get support for him and for yourself. Write to me if you have questions or need support.
For more information: Please return to the list for more mid-adolescent development.
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